{"id":3313,"date":"2015-01-24T00:02:44","date_gmt":"2015-01-23T22:02:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3313"},"modified":"2015-01-24T00:02:44","modified_gmt":"2015-01-23T22:02:44","slug":"not-so-deep-thoughts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3313","title":{"rendered":"Not So Deep Thoughts"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>I started out with nothing&#8230;I still have most of it.<\/li>\n<li>When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?<\/li>\n<li>I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.<\/li>\n<li>Funny, I don&#8217;t remember being absent minded.<\/li>\n<li>If all is not lost, where is it?<\/li>\n<li>It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.<\/li>\n<li>If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.<\/li>\n<li>The first rule of holes:  If you are in one, stop digging.<\/li>\n<li>I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.<\/li>\n<li>It was all so different before everything changed.<\/li>\n<li>Some days you&#8217;re the dog, some days the hydrant.<\/li>\n<li>Nostalgia isn&#8217;t what is used to be.<\/li>\n<li>I wish the buck stopped here.  I could use a few.<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s not the pace of life that concerns me, it&#8217;s the sudden stop at the end.<\/li>\n<li>Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.<\/li>\n<li>The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you&#8217;re in the bathroom.<\/li>\n<li>If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.<\/li>\n<li>When you&#8217;re finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?<\/li>\n<li>There are two kinds of pedestrians&#8230;the quick and the dead.<\/li>\n<li>A closed mouth gathers no feet.<\/li>\n<li>Being healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s not hard to meet expenses&#8230;they&#8217;re everywhere.<\/li>\n<li>The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I started out with nothing&#8230;I still have most of it. When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran? I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart. Funny, I don&#8217;t remember being absent minded. If all is not lost, where is it? It is easier to get older than [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62],"tags":[1434],"class_list":["post-3313","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-thoughts","tag-thoughts"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3313","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3313"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3313\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3313"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3313"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3313"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}