{"id":3266,"date":"2015-01-21T00:20:29","date_gmt":"2015-01-20T22:20:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3266"},"modified":"2015-01-21T00:20:29","modified_gmt":"2015-01-20T22:20:29","slug":"your-daily-moment-of-zen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3266","title":{"rendered":"Your Daily Moment of Zen"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either.  Leave me alone.<\/li>\n<li>The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s always darkest before dawn. So if you&#8217;re going to steal your  neighbor&#8217;s newspaper, that&#8217;s the time to do it.<\/li>\n<li>Sex is like air. It&#8217;s not important unless you aren&#8217;t getting any.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t be irreplaceable. If you can&#8217;t be replaced, you can&#8217;t be promoted.<\/li>\n<li>No one is listening until you make a mistake.<\/li>\n<li>Always remember you&#8217;re unique. Just like everyone else.<\/li>\n<li>Never test the depth of the water with both feet.<\/li>\n<li>It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.<\/li>\n<li>It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.<\/li>\n<li>If you think nobody cares if you&#8217;re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.<\/li>\n<li>Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you&#8217;re a mile away and you have their shoes.<\/li>\n<li>If at first you don&#8217;t succeed, skydiving is not for you.<\/li>\n<li>Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.<\/li>\n<li>If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t squat with your spurs on.<\/li>\n<li>If you tell the truth, you don&#8217;t have to remember anything.<\/li>\n<li>If you drink, don&#8217;t park; accidents cause people.<\/li>\n<li>Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.<\/li>\n<li>Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.<\/li>\n<li>The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put  it back in your pocket.<\/li>\n<li>Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.<\/li>\n<li>Duct tape is like &#8216;the force&#8217;. It has a light side &#038; a dark side, and it holds the universe together.<\/li>\n<li>There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.<\/li>\n<li>Generally speaking, you aren&#8217;t learning much when your mouth is moving.<\/li>\n<li>Experience is something you don&#8217;t get until just after you need it.<\/li>\n<li>Never miss a good chance to shut up.<\/li>\n<li>We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Leave me alone. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. It&#8217;s always darkest before dawn. So if you&#8217;re going to [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62],"tags":[1285,1557],"class_list":["post-3266","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-thoughts","tag-sayings","tag-zen"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3266","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3266"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3266\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3266"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3266"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3266"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}