{"id":3254,"date":"2015-01-21T00:15:24","date_gmt":"2015-01-20T22:15:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3254"},"modified":"2015-01-21T00:15:24","modified_gmt":"2015-01-20T22:15:24","slug":"actual-bumper-stickers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3254","title":{"rendered":"Actual Bumper Stickers"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Horn broken.<\/li>\n<li>Watch for finger.<\/li>\n<li>Your kid may be an honors student, but you&#8217;re still an idiot.<\/li>\n<li>All generalizations are false.<\/li>\n<li>Cover me. I&#8217;m changing lanes.<\/li>\n<li>I brake for no apparent reason.<\/li>\n<li>Learn from your parents&#8217; mistakes &#8211; use birth control.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m not as think as you drunk I am.<\/li>\n<li>Forget about World Peace&#8230;Visualize using your turn signal.<\/li>\n<li>We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?<\/li>\n<li>He who laughs last thinks slowest.<\/li>\n<li>Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.<\/li>\n<li>It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.<\/li>\n<li>Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.<\/li>\n<li>Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.<\/li>\n<li>Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.<\/li>\n<li>I love cats&#8230;they taste just like chicken.<\/li>\n<li>Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.<\/li>\n<li>Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.<\/li>\n<li>Born free&#8230;Taxed to death.<\/li>\n<li>The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.<\/li>\n<li>Laugh alone and the world thinks you&#8217;re an idiot.<\/li>\n<li>Rehab is for quitters.<\/li>\n<li>I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.<\/li>\n<li>Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.<\/li>\n<li>All men are idiots, and I married their King.<\/li>\n<li>Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.<\/li>\n<li>Work is for people who don&#8217;t know how to fish.<\/li>\n<li>Montana &#8212; At least our cows are sane!<\/li>\n<li>I didn&#8217;t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.<\/li>\n<li>Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.<\/li>\n<li>If you don&#8217;t like the news, go out and make some.<\/li>\n<li>When you do a good deed, get a receipt&#8211;in case heaven is like the IRS.<\/li>\n<li>Sorry, I don&#8217;t date outside my species.<\/li>\n<li>No radio &#8211; Already stolen.<\/li>\n<li>Reality is a crutch for people who can&#8217;t handle drugs.<\/li>\n<li>Real women don&#8217;t have hot flashes, they have power surges.<\/li>\n<li>I took an IQ test and the results were negative.<\/li>\n<li>Where there&#8217;s a will, I want to be in it.<\/li>\n<li>OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?<\/li>\n<li>Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.<\/li>\n<li>I don&#8217;t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.<\/li>\n<li>Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.<\/li>\n<li>Tell me to &#8216;stuff it&#8217; &#8211; I&#8217;m a taxidermist.<\/li>\n<li>IRS: We&#8217;ve got what it takes to take what you&#8217;ve got.<\/li>\n<li>Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s lonely at the top, but you eat better.<\/li>\n<li>According to my calculations, the problem doesn&#8217;t exist.<\/li>\n<li>Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.<\/li>\n<li>Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.<\/li>\n<li>A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.<\/li>\n<li>Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?<\/li>\n<li>How can I miss you if you won&#8217;t go away?<\/li>\n<li>Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.<\/li>\n<li>Give me ambiguity or give me something else.<\/li>\n<li>We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.<\/li>\n<li>Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.<\/li>\n<li>Always remember you&#8217;re unique, just like everyone else.<\/li>\n<li>Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.<\/li>\n<li>Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.<\/li>\n<li>Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.<\/li>\n<li>Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.<\/li>\n<li>i souport publik edekashun.<\/li>\n<li>Be nice to your kids. They&#8217;ll choose your nursing home.<\/li>\n<li>Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can&#8217;t.<\/li>\n<li>Why is &#8216;abbreviation&#8217; such a long word?<\/li>\n<li>Ever stop to think and forget to start again?<\/li>\n<li>Keep honking&#8230;I&#8217;m reloading.<\/li>\n<li>Caution: I drive like you do.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Horn broken. Watch for finger. Your kid may be an honors student, but you&#8217;re still an idiot. All generalizations are false. Cover me. I&#8217;m changing lanes. I brake for no apparent reason. Learn from your parents&#8217; mistakes &#8211; use birth control. I&#8217;m not as think as you drunk I am. Forget about World Peace&#8230;Visualize using [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,69],"tags":[291],"class_list":["post-3254","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-car","category-word-play","tag-bumper-stickers"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3254","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3254"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3254\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3254"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3254"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3254"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}