{"id":3226,"date":"2015-01-20T06:41:30","date_gmt":"2015-01-20T04:41:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3226"},"modified":"2015-01-20T06:41:30","modified_gmt":"2015-01-20T04:41:30","slug":"how-applicants-speak","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3226","title":{"rendered":"How Applicants Speak"},"content":{"rendered":"<div align=\"center\">(and what they mean)<\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>&#8220;I know how to deal with stressful situations&#8221;\n<p>I&#8217;m usually on Prozac. When I&#8217;m not, I take lots of coffee breaks.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;I seek a job that will draw upon my strong communication and organizational skills&#8221;<br \/>\nI talk too much and like to tell other people  what to do.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;I&#8217;m extremely adept at all manners of office organization&#8221;<br \/>\nI&#8217;ve used Microsoft Office.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;I&#8217;m honest, hardwordking, and dependable&#8221;<br \/>\nI pilfer office supplies.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;My pertinent work experience includes&#8221;<br \/>\nI hope you don&#8217;t ask me about all the McJobs I&#8217;ve had.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;I take pride in my work&#8221;<br \/>\nI blame others for my mistakes.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;I&#8217;m personable&#8221;<br \/>\nI give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;I&#8217;m willing to relocate&#8221;<br \/>\nAs I leave San Quentin, anywhere is better.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;I&#8217;m extremely professional&#8221;<br \/>\nI carry a Franklin Planner.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;My background and skills match your requirements&#8221;<br \/>\nYou&#8217;re probably looking for someone more experienced.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;I am adaptable&#8221;<br \/>\nI&#8217;ve changed jobs a lot.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;I&#8217;m highly motivated to succeed&#8221;<br \/>\nThe minute I find a better job. I&#8217;m outta there.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;I have formal training&#8221;<br \/>\nI&#8217;m a college dropout.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;Thank you for time and consideration&#8221;<br \/>\nWait! Don&#8217;t throw me away!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;I look forward to hearing from you soon&#8221;<br \/>\nLike, I&#8217;m gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career. <\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>(and what they mean) &#8220;I know how to deal with stressful situations&#8221; I&#8217;m usually on Prozac. When I&#8217;m not, I take lots of coffee breaks. &#8220;I seek a job that will draw upon my strong communication and organizational skills&#8221; I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do. &#8220;I&#8217;m extremely adept [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[70],"tags":[873],"class_list":["post-3226","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-work","tag-job-applicant"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3226","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3226"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3226\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3226"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3226"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3226"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}