{"id":3210,"date":"2015-01-18T18:17:32","date_gmt":"2015-01-18T16:17:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3210"},"modified":"2015-01-18T18:17:32","modified_gmt":"2015-01-18T16:17:32","slug":"new-nascar-rules","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3210","title":{"rendered":"New NASCAR Rules"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>After each caution, the car will run the opposite way &#8230; caution &#8211; clockwise &#8211; caution &#8211; counter clockwise &#8211; caution &#8211; clockwise &#8230; etc.<\/li>\n<li>Earnhardt, Jr., has to drive with a passenger &#8230; preferably a sumo wrestler &#8230; for extra weight.<\/li>\n<li>Potty pit stops during a half time.<\/li>\n<li>No more champagne in Victory Lane. A special Jeff Gordon whine will be used.<\/li>\n<li>The &#8216;wider is better&#8217; Pontiac will be narrowed since NASCAR has discovered the reason Pontiac widened the car was to accommodate Tony Stewart&#8217;s ego.<\/li>\n<li>Races will be shortened to 7 laps so Rusty Wallace can finish on the lead lap on at least one time this season.<\/li>\n<li>There will be a 15 minute half time break so Tony Stewart can get a snack &#8230; better make it a 30 minutes.<\/li>\n<li>Cars with handicapped plates shall pit in specially marked blue pit stalls.<\/li>\n<li>Depends Undergarments announced it will sponsor a car for the 2002 season. For the betterment of the sport, NASCAR forbids Dick Trickle to be named the owner.<\/li>\n<li>To ward off an approaching sexual discrimination lawsuit, NASCAR mandates at least one member of each sexuality will be represented on each team &#8230; Male, Female and Jeff Gordon.<\/li>\n<li>Top speed is out! The cars starting positions will depend on how pretty the car is. If it&#8217;s ugly they will vote on who gets provisionals, the ugliest car goes home.<\/li>\n<li>The winner of a race will be determined by who picked the winner in NASCAR ROCKS &#8230; if no one picked a winner, straws will be drawn &#8230; the straw draw also holds true for second on back. <\/li>\n<li>Because of Political Correctness, no discrimination against the handicapped will be permitted. This shall be called the Jeff Gordon Rule.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>After each caution, the car will run the opposite way &#8230; caution &#8211; clockwise &#8211; caution &#8211; counter clockwise &#8211; caution &#8211; clockwise &#8230; etc. Earnhardt, Jr., has to drive with a passenger &#8230; preferably a sumo wrestler &#8230; for extra weight. Potty pit stops during a half time. No more champagne in Victory Lane. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[56],"tags":[169,1054],"class_list":["post-3210","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sports","tag-auto-racing","tag-nascar"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3210","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3210"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3210\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3210"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3210"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3210"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}