{"id":3174,"date":"2015-01-18T17:53:00","date_gmt":"2015-01-18T15:53:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3174"},"modified":"2015-01-18T17:53:00","modified_gmt":"2015-01-18T15:53:00","slug":"if-the-olympics-were-held-at-disneyland","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3174","title":{"rendered":"If the Olympics Were Held at Disneyland&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Medals placed around winners&#8217; necks by chirping birds.<\/li>\n<li>Goofy buys the farm in bizarre archery &#8220;accident.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Regulation requiring all rowing event competitors to keep their hands and arms inside the boat at all times results in considerably lower scores.<\/li>\n<li>Sprinters legs spin wildly in place before they take off.<\/li>\n<li>Hammer Throw replaced with Dwarf Toss.<\/li>\n<li>Animatronic John Tesh much livelier than the real one.<\/li>\n<li>Donald Duck defects to Busch Gardens.<\/li>\n<li>Tinkerbell&#8217;s &#8220;fairy dust&#8221; added to list of banned substances.<\/li>\n<li>Animatronic Abe Lincoln wins the Decathalon!<\/li>\n<li>$4 Cokes cost only $3.75.<\/li>\n<li>New Slogan: &#8220;The Sweatiest Place On Earth!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Minnie Mouse and Kerri Strug never seen together&#8230; hmmmm.<\/li>\n<li>Barbells marked &#8220;10,000 Pounds&#8221; absurdly easy to lift.<\/li>\n<li>A petulant Pluto demands chance to race for record 10th dog biscuit.<\/li>\n<li>The Little Mermaid takes home a record 49 gold medals in swimming events.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Gymnastic gold or no gymnastic gold, you&#8217;re too short for the rides!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Synchronized swimmers don&#8217;t just look goofy &#8212; they *ARE* Goofy! <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Medals placed around winners&#8217; necks by chirping birds. Goofy buys the farm in bizarre archery &#8220;accident.&#8221; Regulation requiring all rowing event competitors to keep their hands and arms inside the boat at all times results in considerably lower scores. Sprinters legs spin wildly in place before they take off. Hammer Throw replaced with Dwarf Toss. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[56],"tags":[522,1097],"class_list":["post-3174","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sports","tag-disneyland","tag-olympic-games"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3174","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3174"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3174\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3174"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3174"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3174"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}