{"id":3133,"date":"2015-01-18T14:29:57","date_gmt":"2015-01-18T12:29:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3133"},"modified":"2015-01-18T14:29:57","modified_gmt":"2015-01-18T12:29:57","slug":"republicans-and-democrats","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3133","title":{"rendered":"Republicans and Democrats"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<p><li>Republicans say &#8220;Merry Christmas!&#8221;<br \/>\nDemocrats say &#8220;Happy Holidays!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending $50 to the Salvation Army.<br \/>\nDemocrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Democrats get back at the Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes.<br \/>\nRepublicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve.<br \/>\nRepublicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>When toasting the holidays, Republicans ask for eggnog or mulled wine.<br \/>\nDemocrats ask for a &#8220;Bud.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>When not in stores, Republicans shop from a catalog.<br \/>\nDemocrats watch for &#8220;incredible TV offers&#8221; on late night television.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Democrats do much of their shopping at Target and Wal-Mart.<br \/>\nSo do Republicans, but they don&#8217;t admit it.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Republican parents have no problem buying toy guns for their kids.<br \/>\nDemocrats refuse to do so. That is why their kids pretend to shoot each other with dolls.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Republicans spends hundreds of dollars and hours of work decorating the yard with outdoor lights and Christmas displays.<br \/>\nDemocrats save their time and money, and drive around at night to look at *other* people&#8217;s lights.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Democrats&#8217; favorite Christmas movie is &#8220;Miracle on 34th Street.&#8221;<br \/>\nRepublicans&#8217; favorite Christmas movie is &#8220;It&#8217;s a Wonderful Life.&#8221;<br \/>\nRight-Wing Republicans&#8217; favorite Christmas movie is &#8220;Die Hard.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Republicans always take the price tag off expensive gifts before wrapping.<br \/>\nDemocrats also remove price tags off pricey gifts &#8230; and reposition them to make sure they are seen.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Democrats wear wide red ties and green sports jackets during the festive season.<br \/>\nRepublicans do too, all year round.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Most Republicans try, at least once, enclosing indulgent, wretchedly maudlin form letters about their families in their Christmas cards.<br \/>\nPublic ridicule from Democrats usually discourages them from doing it again.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Democrats&#8217; favorite Christmas carol is &#8220;Deck the Halls&#8221;.<br \/>\nYoung Democrats&#8217; favorite Christmas carol is &#8220;Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer&#8221;.<br \/>\nRepublicans&#8217; favorite Christmas carol is &#8220;White Christmas&#8221;.<br \/>\nYoung Republicans&#8217; favorite Christmas carol is &#8220;White Christmas&#8221;.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Cheapskate Republicans buy an artificial Christmas tree.<br \/>\nTight-fisted Democrats buy a real tree, but they wait until the week before Christmas when the lots lower their prices.<br \/>\nGreen Democrats buy a real tree with roots, and then replant it after New Years.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Republicans see nothing wrong with letting their children play &#8220;Cowboys and Indians.&#8221;<br \/>\nDemocrats don&#8217;t either, as long as the Indians win.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when they stopped believing in Santa Claus.<br \/>\nDemocrats became Democrats because they never stopped believing in Santa Claus.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Democrat men like to watch football while the women fix holiday meals.<br \/>\nOn this, Republicans are in full agreement.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Republicans say &#8220;Merry Christmas!&#8221; Democrats say &#8220;Happy Holidays!&#8221; Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending $50 to the Salvation Army. Democrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street. Democrats get back at the Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes. Republicans re-wrap [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[47],"tags":[496,1177,1256],"class_list":["post-3133","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-politics","tag-democrat","tag-political-party","tag-republican"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3133","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3133"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3133\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3133"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3133"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3133"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}