{"id":3013,"date":"2015-01-17T20:18:45","date_gmt":"2015-01-17T18:18:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3013"},"modified":"2015-01-17T20:18:45","modified_gmt":"2015-01-17T18:18:45","slug":"al-gore-poor-black-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3013","title":{"rendered":"Al Gore, Poor Black Child?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Good afternoon. I&#8217;m Al Gore, and I&#8217;d like to tell you about myself. I know a lot about hardship, because I came into this world as a poor black child in a tiny town in the backwoods of Tennessee. I was born in a log cabin that I built with my own hands. I taught myself to read by candlelight and helped support my 16 brothers and sisters by working summers as a deck hand on a Mississippi River steamboat.<\/p>\n<p>My mother taught me the value of education, so every day; I would walk 5 miles to a one-room schoolhouse. I was a mischievous, fun-loving scamp, though I never dreamed that one-day, my youthful escapades would serve as the inspiration for &#8220;Huckleberry Finn&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>Back then, black folks in the South were second-class citizens. One day, a traveling minister came through town, and I asked him if anyone was ever going to do something to guarantee civil rights for all Americans. Well, I guess I made an impression. You see, the minister&#8217;s name was Martin Luther King, Jr.<\/p>\n<p>My father was a United States Senator. He once perched me on his knee and said, &#8220;Son, if you work hard and listen to your mama, someday you can live in a hotel in Washington, D.C., and go to an exclusive prep school.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>But life of privilege was not for me. After getting my high school diploma, I took a job in a hot, dirty textile mill. I was so appalled at the treatment of the workers there that I organized a union. Later, that experience inspired a movie &#8211; which is why, to this day, my close friends at the AFL-CIO call me &#8220;Norma Rae&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>When word got out what an 18 year old factory worker had done, Harvard called and offered me a scholarship. I captained the hockey team to four consecutive national championships, but I also played football and was good enough to win the Heisman Trophy. During my college years, I lived in a housing project and moonlighted playing lead guitar for a little rock band. You may have heard of it &#8212; the Rolling Stones.<\/p>\n<p>But there was a war going on, and I felt I had to serve my country. So I enlisted in the U. S. Army and went to Vietnam. I was deeply opposed to the war, but I did my duty as a soldier and came back home with the Medal of Honor and the Croix de Guerre.<\/p>\n<p>When I got back, I took a long journey across this great land of ours. I&#8217;ve crossed the deserts bare, man, I&#8217;ve breathed the mountain air, man, I&#8217;ve traveled, I&#8217;ve done my share, man, I&#8217;ve been everywhere. And the people I met at truckstops and campgrounds and homeless shelters on that journey all said the same thing: &#8220;Al, we need you in Washington.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I knew they were right, but first I had to take care of some other business &#8212; building the World Trade Center, founding the Audubon Society, doing the clinical research that proved smoking caused cancer, and coming up with the recipe for Mrs. Field&#8217;s chocolate chip cookies.<\/p>\n<p>Finally, I deferred to the demands of the people of Tennessee and allowed them to elect me to the House of Representatives and the Senate, where I established the US Strategic Oil Reserve. And then one winter day nearly nine years ago, for no particular reason, I answered the call of the people once again and took the oath of office as Vice President of the United States.<\/p>\n<p>Since then, I&#8217;ve been part of the most successful administration in American history. And, in my spare time, I invented the Internet. Many times Bill Clinton has been pondering some grave decision and has asked me what to do. And when I would give him my thoughts, he would invariable say, &#8220;Of course. That&#8217;s brilliant. Why didn&#8217;t I think of that?&#8221; During the darkest days of the impeachment battle, the president told me he only wished he had listened when I told him to stay away from that dark-haired intern.<\/p>\n<p>So after I decided to run for president, I sat down with him and asked if he had any suggestions about how to conduct my campaign. And Bill Clinton gave me a few simple words of advice &#8212; words I&#8217;ll never forget. He looked me in the eye and he said, &#8220;Al, just tell the truth, it&#8217;s always worked for me.&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Good afternoon. I&#8217;m Al Gore, and I&#8217;d like to tell you about myself. I know a lot about hardship, because I came into this world as a poor black child in a tiny town in the backwoods of Tennessee. I was born in a log cabin that I built with my own hands. I taught [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[47],"tags":[124],"class_list":["post-3013","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-politics","tag-al-gore"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3013","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3013"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3013\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3013"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3013"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3013"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}