{"id":2963,"date":"2015-01-16T21:39:49","date_gmt":"2015-01-16T19:39:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2963"},"modified":"2015-01-16T21:39:49","modified_gmt":"2015-01-16T19:39:49","slug":"self-evident-truths-about-pets","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2963","title":{"rendered":"Self-Evident Truths About Pets"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it forever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.<\/li>\n<li>Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.<\/li>\n<li>Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.<\/li>\n<li>Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.<\/li>\n<li>Dogs shed, cats shred.<\/li>\n<li>I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?<\/li>\n<li>No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.<\/li>\n<li>Outside of a dog, a book is probably man&#8217;s best friend.  Inside of a dog, it&#8217;s too dark to read.<\/li>\n<li>I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t accept your dog&#8217;s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.<\/li>\n<li>People that hate cats will come back as dogs in their next life.<\/li>\n<li>We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: Why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls?<\/li>\n<li>Women and cats will do as they please &#8230; men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.<\/li>\n<li>When a man&#8217;s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.<\/li>\n<li>In order to keep a true perspective of one&#8217;s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it forever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes. Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. Dogs and cats instinctively [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[46],"tags":[1154],"class_list":["post-2963","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-pets","tag-pets"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2963","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2963"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2963\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2963"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2963"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2963"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}