{"id":2953,"date":"2015-01-16T21:34:31","date_gmt":"2015-01-16T19:34:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2953"},"modified":"2015-01-16T21:34:31","modified_gmt":"2015-01-16T19:34:31","slug":"real-advertisements","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2953","title":{"rendered":"Real Advertisements"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Two female Boston Terrier puppies, seven wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.<\/li>\n<li>Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.<\/li>\n<li>A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.<\/li>\n<li>Dinner Special &#8212; Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.<\/li>\n<li>For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.<\/li>\n<li>Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.<\/li>\n<li>Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.<\/li>\n<li>Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.<\/li>\n<li>Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.<\/li>\n<li>We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.<\/li>\n<li>For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.<\/li>\n<li>For Sale &#8212; Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.<\/li>\n<li>Great Dames for sale.<\/li>\n<li>Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.<\/li>\n<li>Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.<\/li>\n<li>Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.<\/li>\n<li>Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.<\/li>\n<li>If you think you&#8217;ve seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.<\/li>\n<li>Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.<\/li>\n<li>The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.<\/li>\n<li>Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.<\/li>\n<li>Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.<\/li>\n<li>Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.<\/li>\n<li>Stock up and save. Limit: one.<\/li>\n<li>We build bodies that last a lifetime.<\/li>\n<li>Man, honest. Will take anything.<\/li>\n<li>Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.<\/li>\n<li>Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!<\/li>\n<li>Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.<\/li>\n<li>Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.<\/li>\n<li>Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.<\/li>\n<li>Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.<\/li>\n<li>3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.<\/li>\n<li>Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.<\/li>\n<li>Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.<\/li>\n<li>Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you&#8217;ll never go anywhere again.<\/li>\n<li>Illiterate? Write today for free help.<\/li>\n<li>Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.<\/li>\n<li>Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.<\/li>\n<li>Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.<\/li>\n<li>Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.<\/li>\n<li>And now, the Superstore&#8211;unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.<\/li>\n<li>We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.<\/li>\n<li>50% Off Our Rockers! Tires Slashed 30%!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Two female Boston Terrier puppies, seven wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess. Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special &#8212; Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. For sale: an antique desk suitable [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[69],"tags":[104],"class_list":["post-2953","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-word-play","tag-ads"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2953","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2953"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2953\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2953"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2953"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2953"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}