{"id":2918,"date":"2015-01-16T15:47:29","date_gmt":"2015-01-16T13:47:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2918"},"modified":"2015-01-16T15:47:29","modified_gmt":"2015-01-16T13:47:29","slug":"graduate-school-barbie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2918","title":{"rendered":"Graduate School Barbie"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Graduate School Barbie comes in two forms: Delusional Master\u2019s Barbie and Ph.D. Masochist Barbie. Every Graduate School Barbie comes with these fun filled features guaranteed to delight and entertain for hours:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Grad School Barbie comes out of the box with a big grin on her face that turns into a frown after 2 weeks or her first advisor meeting (whichever comes first). Adorable black circles under her delightfully bloodshot eyes.<\/li>\n<li>Comes with two outfits: a grubby pair of blue jeans and 5 year old gap T-shirt, and a floppy pair of gray sweatpants with a matching \u201cGo Screw Yourself\u201d T-shirt.<\/li>\n<li>Grad School Barbie talks! Just press the button on her left hand and hear her say such upbeat grad school phrases like, \u201cYes, Professor, It\u2019ll be done by tomorrow\u201d \u201cI\u2019d love to write it all over again\u201d and \u201cWhy didn\u2019t I just get a job, I could have been making $40,000 a year by now if I had just started working with a Bachelor\u2019s. But noooooo, I wish somebody would drop a bomb on the school so that I\u2019d have an excuse to stop working on my degree that\u2019s sucking every last drop of life force out of my withered and degraded excuse for a soul\u2026\u201d (9 V lithium batteries sold separately)<\/li>\n<li>Grad School Barbie is anatomically correct to teach kids about the exciting changes that come with pursuing a higher education. Removable panels on Barbie\u2019s head and torso allow you to watch as her cerebellum fries to a crispy brown, her heart race 150 beats per minute, and her stomach lining gradually dissolve into nothing. Deluxe Barbie comes with specially designed eye ducts. Just add a little water, and watch Grad School Barbie burst into tears at random intervals. Fun for the whole family!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Other accessories include:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Grad School Barbie\u2019s Fun Fridge Well stocked with microwave popcorn, Coca-Cola, Healthy Choice Bologna (99% fat free!), and small bottle of Mattel Brand Rum.<\/li>\n<li>Grad School Barbie\u2019s Medicine Cabinet. Comes in Fabulous pink and contains Barbie sized bottles of Advil, St. Johns Wort, Zantac, and your choice of three fun anti-anxiety drugs! (Barbie Medicine Cabinet not available without a prescription)<\/li>\n<li>Grad School Barbie\u2019s Computer Workstation. Comes with miniature obsolete PC (pink of course), rickety desk, and over a dozen miniature Mountain Dew cans to decorate your workstation with (Mountain Dew deposit not included in price, tech support sold separately)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>And Grad School Barbie is not alone! Order now and you\u2019ll get two of Barbie\u2019s great friends!<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>GRADUATE ADVISOR KEN: Barbie\u2019s mentor and advisor in her quest for increased education and decreased self esteem. Grad Advisor Ken \u2122 comes with a supply of red pens and a permanent frown. Press the button to hear Grad Advisor Ken deliver such wisdom to Barbie as \u201cI need an update on your progress\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t think you\u2019ll be ready to graduate yet\u201d and \u201cThis is no where near ready for publication.\u201d Buy 3 or more dolls, and you can have Barbie\u2019s Thesis Committee! (Palm Pilot and tenure sold separately.)<\/li>\n<li>REAL JOB SKIPPER: When Barbie needs to talk, she knows that she can always count on her good friend Real Job Skipper \u2122, who got a job after getting her bachelor degree. Press the button to hear Real Job Skipper say, \u201cSometimes I wish I went for my masters degree\u201d and \u201cWork is so hard! I had to work a half an hour of overtime!\u201d Real Job Skipper\u2019s Work Wardrobe and Savings account sold separately. WARNING: Do not place Grad Student Barbie and Real Job Skipper too close to each other, as there have been several mysterious cases of children leaving the room and coming back to find Barbie\u2019s hands mysteriously fused to Skipper\u2019s throat.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Graduate School Barbie comes in two forms: Delusional Master\u2019s Barbie and Ph.D. Masochist Barbie. Every Graduate School Barbie comes with these fun filled features guaranteed to delight and entertain for hours: Grad School Barbie comes out of the box with a big grin on her face that turns into a frown after 2 weeks or [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[533,735],"class_list":["post-2918","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-barbie","tag-doll","tag-grad-school"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2918","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2918"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2918\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2918"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2918"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2918"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}