{"id":2832,"date":"2015-01-14T18:58:27","date_gmt":"2015-01-14T16:58:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2832"},"modified":"2015-01-14T18:58:27","modified_gmt":"2015-01-14T16:58:27","slug":"general-motors-helpline","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2832","title":{"rendered":"General Motors HelpLine"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>General Motors doesn&#8217;t have a help line for people who don&#8217;t know how to drive, because people don&#8217;t buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did&#8230;. <\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>HelpLine: &#8220;General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!&#8221;<br \/>\nHelpLine: &#8220;Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;What&#8217;s an ignition?&#8221;<br \/>\nHelpLine: &#8220;It&#8217;s a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine.&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?&#8221; <\/p>\n<p><li>HelpLine: &#8220;General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;My car ran fine for a week and now it won&#8217;t go anywhere!&#8221;<br \/>\nHelpLine: &#8220;Is the gas tank empty?&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;Huh? How do I know?&#8221;<br \/>\nHelpLine: &#8220;There&#8217;s a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from &#8216;E&#8217; to &#8216;F&#8217;. Where is the needle pointing?&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;It&#8217;s pointing to &#8216;E&#8217;. What does that mean?&#8221;<br \/>\nHelpLine: &#8220;It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you.&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components?  I want a car that comes with everything built in!&#8221; <\/p>\n<p><li>HelpLine: &#8220;General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;Your cars suck!&#8221;<br \/>\nHelpLine: &#8220;What&#8217;s wrong?&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;It crashed, that&#8217;s what wrong!&#8221;<br \/>\nHelpLine: &#8220;What were you doing?&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It<br \/>\nworked for a while and then it crashed and it won&#8217;t start now!<br \/>\nHelpLine: &#8220;It&#8217;s your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn&#8217;t crash any more!&#8221; <\/p>\n<p><li>HelpLine: &#8220;General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks.&#8221;<br \/>\nHelpLine: &#8220;Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;How do I work it?&#8221;<br \/>\nHelpLine: &#8220;Do you know how to drive?&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;Do I know how to what?&#8221;<br \/>\nHelpLine: &#8220;Do you know how to drive?&#8221;<br \/>\nCustomer: &#8220;I&#8217;m not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!&#8221;\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>General Motors doesn&#8217;t have a help line for people who don&#8217;t know how to drive, because people don&#8217;t buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did&#8230;. HelpLine: &#8220;General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?&#8221; Customer: &#8220;I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!&#8221; HelpLine: &#8220;Did you put [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[53],"tags":[1408],"class_list":["post-2832","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-say-what","tag-technical-support"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2832","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2832"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2832\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2832"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2832"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2832"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}