{"id":2828,"date":"2015-01-14T18:54:22","date_gmt":"2015-01-14T16:54:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2828"},"modified":"2015-01-14T18:54:22","modified_gmt":"2015-01-14T16:54:22","slug":"pets-at-home","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2828","title":{"rendered":"Pets at Home"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Mrs. Lonefold&#8217;s dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman.<\/p>\n<p>He couldn&#8217;t accommodate her with an evening appointment, and, since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: &#8220;I&#8217;ll leave the key under the mat. &#8220;Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I&#8217;ll mail  you the check. By the way, don&#8217;t worry about my Rottweiler. He won&#8217;t bother you. But, whatever you do, not under any circumstances talk to my parrot!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Lonefold&#8217;s apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen.<\/p>\n<p>But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business.<\/p>\n<p>However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant cursing, yelling, and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn&#8217;t contain himself any longer and yelled: &#8220;Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>To which the parrot replied: &#8220;Get him, Brutus!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Mrs. Lonefold&#8217;s dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman. He couldn&#8217;t accommodate her with an evening appointment, and, since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: &#8220;I&#8217;ll leave the key under the mat. &#8220;Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I&#8217;ll mail you the check. By [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[46],"tags":[1252,1276],"class_list":["post-2828","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-pets","tag-repairman","tag-rottweiler"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2828","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2828"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2828\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2828"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2828"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2828"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}