{"id":2805,"date":"2015-01-13T21:53:39","date_gmt":"2015-01-13T19:53:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2805"},"modified":"2015-01-13T21:53:39","modified_gmt":"2015-01-13T19:53:39","slug":"if-dr-seuss-wrote-for-star-trek-the-next-generation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2805","title":{"rendered":"If Dr. Seuss Wrote For Star Trek: the Next Generation"},"content":{"rendered":"
By Dave Fuller<\/div>\n

Picard: Sigma Indri, that’s the star,
\nSo, Data, please, how far? How far?<\/p>\n

Data: Our ship can get there very fast
\nBut still the trip will last and last
\nWe’ll have two days ’til we arrive
\nBut can the Indrans there survive?<\/p>\n

Picard: LaForge, please give us factor nine.<\/p>\n

LaForge: But, sir, the engines are offline!<\/p>\n

Picard: Offline! But why? I want to go!
\nPlease make it so, please make it so!<\/p>\n

Riker: But sir, if Geordi says we can’t,
\nWe can’t, we mustn’t, and we shan’t,
\nThe danger here is far too great!<\/p>\n

Picard: But surely we must not be late!<\/p>\n

Troi: I’m sensing anger and great ire.<\/p>\n

Computer: Alert! Alert! The ship’s on fire!<\/p>\n

Picard: The ship’s on fire? How could this be?
\nWho lit the fire?<\/p>\n

Riker: Not me…<\/p>\n

Worf: Not me!<\/p>\n

Picard: Computer, how long ’til we die?<\/p>\n

Computer: Eight minutes left to say goodbye.<\/p>\n

Data: May I suggest a course to take?
\nWe could, I think, quite safely make
\nExtinguishers from tractor beams
\nAnd stop the fire, or so it seems…<\/p>\n

Geordi: Hurray! Hurray! You’ve saved the day!
\nAgain I say, Hurray! Hurray!<\/p>\n

Picard: Mr. Data, thank you much.
\nYou’ve saved our lives, our ship, and such.<\/p>\n

Troi: We still must save the Indran planet —<\/p>\n

Data: Which (by the way) is made of granite…<\/p>\n

Picard: Enough, you android. Please desist.
\nWe understand — we get your gist.
\nBut can we get our ship to go?
\nPlease make it so, PLEASE make it so.<\/p>\n

Geordi: There’s sabotage among the wires
\nAnd that’s what started all the fires.<\/p>\n

Riker: We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
\nWe need to go! We need to go!<\/p>\n

Troi: We must seek out the traitor spy
\nAnd lock him up and ask him why?<\/p>\n

Worf: Ask him why? How sentimental.
\nI say give him problems dental.<\/p>\n

Troi: Are any Romulan ships around?
\nHave scanners said that they’ve been found?
\nOr is it Borg or some new threat
\nWe haven’t even heard of yet?
\nI sense no malice in this crew.
\nNow what are we supposed to do?<\/p>\n

Crusher: Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
\nThey cry out, “Help us, clothe us, feed us!”
\nI can’t just sit and let them die!
\nA doctor MUST attempt — MUST try!<\/p>\n

Picard: Doctor, please, we’ll get there soon.<\/p>\n

Crusher: They may be dead by Tuesday noon.<\/p>\n

* COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK *<\/p>\n

* HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE? *<\/p>\n

Worf: The saboteur is in the brig.
\nHe’s very strong and very big.
\nI had my phaser set on stun —
\nA zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
\nHe would not budge, he would not fall,
\nHe would not stun, no, not at all!
\nHe changed into a stranger form
\nAll soft and purple, round and warm.<\/p>\n

Picard: Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
\nDid you see this creature morph?<\/p>\n

Worf: I did and then I beat him fairly.
\nHit him on the jaw — quite squarely.<\/p>\n

Riker: My commendations, Klingon friend!
\nOur troubles now are at an end!<\/p>\n

Crusher: Now let’s get our ship to fly
\nAnd orbit yonder Indran sky!<\/p>\n

Picard: LaForge, please tell me we can go—<\/p>\n

Geordi: Yes, sir, we can…<\/p>\n

Picard: Then make it so!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Dave Fuller Picard: Sigma Indri, that’s the star, So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast But still the trip will last and last We’ll have two days ’til we arrive But can the Indrans there survive? Picard: LaForge, please give us factor nine. LaForge: But, sir, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[59],"tags":[537,1359,1438],"class_list":["post-2805","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tv","tag-dr-seuss","tag-star-trek","tag-tng"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2805","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2805"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2805\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2805"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2805"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2805"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}