{"id":2795,"date":"2015-01-13T21:47:05","date_gmt":"2015-01-13T19:47:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2795"},"modified":"2015-01-13T21:47:05","modified_gmt":"2015-01-13T19:47:05","slug":"dear-milkman","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2795","title":{"rendered":"Dear Milkman&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>&#8220;Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Please don&#8217;t leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Milkman. please could I have a loaf but not bread today.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I&#8217;ve been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn&#8217;t mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Please knock. My TV&#8217;s broken down and I missed last nights Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don&#8217;t want any milk.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;My back door is open. Please put milk in &#8216;fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don&#8217;t leave any milk.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Dear Milkman, I&#8217;ve just had a baby, please leave another one.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.&#8221; &#8220;Please don&#8217;t leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.&#8221; &#8220;Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.&#8221; &#8220;Milkman. please could I have a loaf but not bread today.&#8221; &#8220;Sorry not to have paid your bill [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[999,1015],"class_list":["post-2795","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funlists","tag-messages","tag-milkman"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2795","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2795"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2795\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2795"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2795"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2795"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}