{"id":2791,"date":"2015-01-13T21:44:44","date_gmt":"2015-01-13T19:44:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2791"},"modified":"2015-01-13T21:44:44","modified_gmt":"2015-01-13T19:44:44","slug":"classified-ads","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2791","title":{"rendered":"Classified Ads"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>free yorkshire terrier. 8 years old. Hateful little dog.<\/li>\n<p><li>free puppies:<br \/>\n1\/2 cocker spaniel<br \/>\n1\/2 sneaky neighbor&#8217;s dog<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>free puppies&#8230;part german shepherd part stupid dog<\/li>\n<p><li>German shepherd 85 lbs.<br \/>\nNeutered. Speaks German. Free.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>found: dirty white dog.<br \/>\nLooks like a rat&#8230;<br \/>\nBeen out awhile..<br \/>\nBetter be reward.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>1 man, 7 woman hot tub &#8212; $850\/offer<\/li>\n<p><li>Amana washer $100.<br \/>\nOwned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>snow blower for sale&#8230;<br \/>\nOnly used on snowy days.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>2 wire mesh butchering gloves:<br \/>\n1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair: $15<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>tickle me elmo, still in box,<br \/>\ncomes with its own 1988 mustang,<br \/>\n5l, auto, excellent condition $6800<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>cows, calves never bred&#8230;<br \/>\nAlso 1 gay bull for sale.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>83 toyota hunchback &#8212; $2000<\/li>\n<li>star wars job of the hut &#8212; $15<\/li>\n<p><li>soft &#038; genital bath tissues or<br \/>\nfacial tissue 89 cents<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>full sized mattress.<br \/>\n20 yr. Warranty.<br \/>\nLike new. Slight urine smell.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>free 1 can of pork &#038; beans with<br \/>\npurchase of 3 br 2 bath home.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>for sale:<br \/>\nlee majors (6 million dollar man) &#8211; $50<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>nordic track $300<br \/>\nhardly used, call chubby<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>bill&#8217;s septic cleaning<br \/>\n&#8220;we haul American made products&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>shakespeare&#8217;s pizza &#8211; free chopsticks<\/li>\n<p><li>hummels &#8211; largest selection ever<br \/>\n&#8220;if it&#8217;s in stock, we have it!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>get a little john:<br \/>\nthe traveling urinal<br \/>\nholds 2 1\/2 bottles of beer.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>harrisburg postal employees<br \/>\ngun club<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>georgia peaches<br \/>\ncalifornia grown<br \/>\n89 cents lb.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>nice parachute:<br \/>\nnever opened &#8211; used once<br \/>\nslightly stained<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>free: farm kittens. Ready to eat.<\/li>\n<p><li>american flag<br \/>\n60 stars &#8211; pole included<br \/>\n$100<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>tired of working for only $9.75<br \/>\nper hour?  We offer profit<br \/>\nsharing and flexible hours.<br \/>\nStarting pay: $7 &#8211; $9 per hour.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>exercise equipment:<br \/>\nqueen size mattress and box springs<br \/>\n$175.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>our sofa seats the whole mob and it&#8217;s made of 100% italian leather.<\/li>\n<p><li>joining nudist colony!<br \/>\nMust sell washer and dryer<br \/>\n$300.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>lawyer says client is not that guilty.<\/li>\n<li>alzheimer&#8217;s center prepares for an affair to remember<\/li>\n<li>gas cloud clears out taco bell.<\/li>\n<p><li>open housebody shapers toning salon<br \/>\nfree coffee and donuts<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>fully cooked boneless<br \/>\nsmoked man<br \/>\n$2.09 lb<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers: free yorkshire terrier. 8 years old. Hateful little dog. free puppies: 1\/2 cocker spaniel 1\/2 sneaky neighbor&#8217;s dog free puppies&#8230;part german shepherd part stupid dog German shepherd 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free. found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat&#8230; Been out awhile.. Better [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[104,1473],"class_list":["post-2791","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funlists","tag-ads","tag-typos"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2791","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2791"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2791\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2791"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2791"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2791"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}