{"id":2642,"date":"2015-01-10T15:48:14","date_gmt":"2015-01-10T13:48:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2642"},"modified":"2015-01-10T15:48:14","modified_gmt":"2015-01-10T13:48:14","slug":"twas-the-night-before-ramadan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2642","title":{"rendered":"‘Twas the Night Before Ramadan"},"content":{"rendered":"
by Mullah Mohammed Omar<\/div>\n

‘Twas the night before Ramadan, and all through the cave
\nNot a creature was stirring; it felt like a grave.
\nThe turbans were hung by the fire pit with care,
\nIn hopes that the Air Force would not soon be there.<\/p>\n

The soldiers were restless without any beds,
\nWhile visions of air strikes flashed in their heads.
\nOsama in his burkha and I in my goatskin cap,
\nHad just settled down for a cold, barren winter’s nap.<\/p>\n

When out on the ledge there arose such a clatter,
\nI grabbed my Kalashnikov to see what was the matter.
\nAway from the racket I ran like a girl,
\nTripped over a goat; into a ball I did curl.<\/p>\n

The moon shone down on the new-fallen snow
\nAnd lit up the valley with an ominous glow,
\nWhen, what to my one good eye should appear,
\nBut a dozen Apaches, and tanks in the rear.<\/p>\n

And their leader, so fearless, his troops he did push,
\nI knew in an instant it must be George Bush.
\nMore rapid than eagles his forces they came,
\nAnd they whistled, and shouted, and called out our names.<\/p>\n

“Now Omar! Osama! Muhammad! Abdul!
\nWe come for you now; we’ve taken Kabul!
\nTo the top of the cliffs! To the back of their caves!
\nWhen you chose this war, you dug your own graves!”<\/p>\n

As the dry leaves that before the assault choppers fly,
\nWhen they meet with an obstacle, light up the sky.
\nSo up to the ledge his forces they flew
\nWith full magazines, and flamethrowers, too.<\/p>\n

And then, in a twinkling, I heard with a thud
\nThe explosions of Tomahawks; not one was a dud.
\nAs I chambered my rifle, and was turning around,
\nOsama was there, disguised in a gown.<\/p>\n

He was dressed all in drag, from his head to his toes,
\nAnd he said he would flee while I held off his foes.
\nA bundle of money he had stuffed in his pack,
\nHe said “I’m going to Baghdad and I’m not looking back!”<\/p>\n

His eyes were all glassy; he trembled with fear,
\nThe American bombs, they rang in his ears.
\nHe saddled his goat, then turned tail and fled,
\nBut a Marine Corps sniper got him in the head.<\/p>\n

I watched with cold fear as his body did slump,
\nThe goat threw him off; he fell with a thump.
\nAnd so, there I stood, my plans all destroyed,
\nAbout to suffer a fate I could not avoid.<\/p>\n

I dropped to my knees; asked Allah for help,
\nHis voice boomed in my ears, “You ignorant whelp!
\nI gave you the Bible, the Torah and Koran,
\nBut you were too arrogant to understand.<\/p>\n

“I told you to honor your neighbors and wives,
\nNot to enslave them, or degrade their lives!
\nYou invoke My name to sanction your deeds,
\nBut you are the last thing that this world needs.<\/p>\n

“And so, I’ll send you and bin Laden to Hell.”
\nThe last words I heard, as the bombs fell,
\nWere from George Bush himself as he mounted the wall,
\n“One nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all!”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Mullah Mohammed Omar ‘Twas the night before Ramadan, and all through the cave Not a creature was stirring; it felt like a grave. The turbans were hung by the fire pit with care, In hopes that the Air Force would not soon be there. The soldiers were restless without any beds, While visions of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[44,64],"tags":[1172],"class_list":["post-2642","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-osama","category-twas","tag-poetry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2642","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2642"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2642\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2642"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2642"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2642"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}