{"id":2525,"date":"2015-01-10T13:36:16","date_gmt":"2015-01-10T11:36:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2525"},"modified":"2015-01-10T13:36:16","modified_gmt":"2015-01-10T11:36:16","slug":"signs-you-chose-the-wrong-airline","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2525","title":{"rendered":"Signs You Chose the Wrong Airline"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>&#8220;If there&#8217;s a mechanical engineer on board, or even someone who&#8217;s mechanically inclined, please report immediately to the cockpit.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Four states and a seatmate&#8217;s life story later, you realize the plane is not on I-95 just to taxi to the runway.<\/li>\n<li>The complimentary beverage is Zima laced with horse tranquilizer.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;&#8230;and a special welcome to the Association of Parents with Colicky Triplets!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Relaxing music for take off is Buddy Holly&#8217;s Greatest Hits.<\/li>\n<li>Phish Air&#8217;s complimentary bong hits are soured by overwhelming stench of patchouli oil, sweat and nine-year-old Birkenstocks.<\/li>\n<li>The pilot for your trans-Atlantic crossing?  Captain Nemo.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;And we&#8217;d like to welcome all our friends from the Islamic Jihad soccer team&#8230;&#8221; <\/li>\n<li>&#8220;We only have one peanut, so just suck on it for a minute and then pass it back.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>During her pre-flight demonstration, the flight attendant accidentally inflates her colostomy bag.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;In case of a water landing, that tubby guy in seat 19F will double as a flotation device.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>After a flock of birds slams into your window, and an attack of vertigo, you begin to think &#8220;North By Northwest Airlines&#8221; was a bad choice.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Our in-flight movie this evening will be camcorder footage from my daughter Ashley&#8217;s Little League game last night.&#8221; <\/li>\n<li>The pre-flight safety video shows a pair of lips, an ass, and the word &#8220;Goodbye&#8221; printed in twelve different languages.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;If there&#8217;s a mechanical engineer on board, or even someone who&#8217;s mechanically inclined, please report immediately to the cockpit.&#8221; Four states and a seatmate&#8217;s life story later, you realize the plane is not on I-95 just to taxi to the runway. The complimentary beverage is Zima laced with horse tranquilizer. &#8220;&#8230;and a special welcome to [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[63],"tags":[120,175],"class_list":["post-2525","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-travel","tag-airline","tag-bad"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2525","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2525"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2525\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2525"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2525"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2525"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}