{"id":249,"date":"2014-12-21T19:33:39","date_gmt":"2014-12-21T17:33:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=249"},"modified":"2014-12-21T19:33:39","modified_gmt":"2014-12-21T17:33:39","slug":"greater-los-angeles-area-drivers-license-application","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=249","title":{"rendered":"Greater Los Angeles Area Driver&#8217;s License Application"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Name:______________\n<li>Stage name: ________________ <\/p>\n<li>Agent:  ______________<\/p>\n<li>Attorney:  __________________<\/p>\n<li>Sex:\n<ul>\n___ male<br \/>\n___ female<br \/>\n___ formerly male<br \/>\n___ formerly female<br \/>\n___ both<\/ul>\n<\/p>\n<li>If female, indicate breast implant size:  ____<\/p>\n<li>Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way?  Yes___  No ___<\/p>\n<p><li>Occupation:<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;]  Lawyer<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;]  Actor\/Waiter<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;]  Film-maker\/Self-employed<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;]  Writer<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;]  Car Dealer<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;]  Panhandler<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;]  Agent<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;]  Hooker\/Transvestite<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;]  Other; please explain: ______________ <\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Please indicate how many times you expect to have sex in a car:______<br \/>\nPlease indicate how much you plan to spend for this sex: $_______<\/p>\n<p><li>Please list:<br \/>\nBrand of cell phone:  __________.<br \/>\n(If you don&#8217;t own a cell phone, please explain.)<\/p>\n<p><li>Please check haircolor:<br \/>\nFemales: [&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;] Blonde [&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;] Platinum  Blonde <br \/>\nTeenagers: [&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;] Purple [&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;] Blue [&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;] Skinhead <br \/>\nMen: Please list shade of hairplugs:______________<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Please check activities you perform while driving:  (Check all that apply)<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;] Eating a wrap<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;] Applying make-up<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;] Talking on the phone<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;] Slapping kids in the backseat<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;] Having sex<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;] Tanning<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;] Snorting cocaine<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;] Watching TV<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;] Reading Variety<br \/>\n[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;] Surfing the net via laptop<\/p>\n<p><li>Please indicate how many times:<br \/>\na) you expect to shoot at other drivers, and<br \/>\nb) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving.<\/p>\n<p><li>If you are the victim of a car-jacking, you should immediately: <br \/>\na) Call the police to report the crime<br \/>\nb) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news on a high-speed chase<br \/>\nc) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call not going through<br \/>\nd) Call your therapist<br \/>\ne) None of the above (South Central resident)<\/p>\n<p><li>Please indicate if you drive:<br \/>\na) a Beamer<br \/>\nb) a Lexus<br \/>\nc) a Mercedes, or<br \/>\nd) Cabriolet<br \/>\nIf your answer is D, please add six to eight weeks to<br \/>\nnormal delivery time for your driver&#8217;s license.<\/p>\n<p><li>In the event of an earthquake, should you:<br \/>\na) stop your car,<br \/>\nb) keep driving and hope for the best,<br \/>\nc) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones, or<br \/>\nd) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4?<\/p>\n<p><li>In the instance of rain, you should:<br \/>\na) never drive over 5 MPH,<br \/>\nb) drive twice as fast as usual, or<br \/>\nc) you&#8217;re not sure what &#8220;rain&#8221; is.<\/p>\n<li>Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week:  ____. <\/p>\n<p><li>Are you presently taking any of the following medications:<br \/>\na) Prozac<br \/>\nb) Zovirax<br \/>\nc) Lithium<br \/>\nd) Xanax<br \/>\ne) If none, please explain:  __________________. <\/p>\n<p><li>Length of daily commute:<br \/>\na) 1 hour;<br \/>\nb) 2 hours;<br \/>\nc) 3 hours;<br \/>\nd) 4 hours or more.<\/p>\n<p><li>When stopped by police, should you<br \/>\na) pull over and have your driver&#8217;s license and insurance form ready<br \/>\nb) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405,<br \/>\nc) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit?<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Name:______________ Stage name: ________________ Agent: ______________ Attorney: __________________ Sex: ___ male ___ female ___ formerly male ___ formerly female ___ both If female, indicate breast implant size: ____ Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___ Occupation: [&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;] Lawyer [&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;] Actor\/Waiter [&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;] [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[149,301,548,934],"class_list":["post-249","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-apps-and-forms","tag-application","tag-california","tag-driving","tag-los-angeles"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/249","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=249"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/249\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=249"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=249"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=249"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}