{"id":2480,"date":"2015-01-09T22:43:59","date_gmt":"2015-01-09T20:43:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2480"},"modified":"2015-01-09T22:43:59","modified_gmt":"2015-01-09T20:43:59","slug":"my-mother-taught-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2480","title":{"rendered":"My Mother Taught Me&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<p><li>My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE<br \/>\n&#8220;If you&#8217;re going to kill each other, do it outside &#8211; I just finished cleaning!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>My mother taught me RELIGION<br \/>\n&#8220;You better pray that will come out of the carpet.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL<br \/>\n&#8220;If you don&#8217;t straighten up, I&#8217;m going to knock you into the middle of next week!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>My mother taught me LOGIC<br \/>\n&#8220;Because I said so, that&#8217;s why.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>My mother taught me FORESIGHT<br \/>\n&#8220;Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you&#8217;re in an accident.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>My mother taught me IRONY<br \/>\n&#8220;Keep laughing and I&#8217;ll &#8216;give&#8217; you something to cry about.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS<br \/>\n&#8220;Shut your mouth and eat your supper!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM<br \/>\n&#8220;Will you &#8216;look&#8217; at the dirt on the back of your neck!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>My mother taught me about STAMINA<br \/>\n&#8220;You&#8217;ll sit there &#8217;til all that spinach is finished.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>My mother taught me about WEATHER<br \/>\n&#8220;It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS<br \/>\n&#8220;If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY<br \/>\n&#8220;If I&#8217;ve told you once, I&#8217;ve told you a million times &#8211; Don&#8217;t exaggerate!!!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE<br \/>\n&#8220;I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION<br \/>\n&#8220;Stop acting like your father!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>My mother taught me about ENVY<br \/>\n&#8220;There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don&#8217;t have wonderful parents like you do!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE &#8220;If you&#8217;re going to kill each other, do it outside &#8211; I just finished cleaning!&#8221; My mother taught me RELIGION &#8220;You better pray that will come out of the carpet.&#8221; My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL &#8220;If you don&#8217;t straighten up, I&#8217;m going to [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[41],"tags":[909,1041],"class_list":["post-2480","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mother","tag-lessons","tag-motherhood"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2480","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2480"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2480\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2480"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2480"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2480"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}