{"id":2478,"date":"2015-01-09T22:42:53","date_gmt":"2015-01-09T20:42:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2478"},"modified":"2015-01-09T22:42:53","modified_gmt":"2015-01-09T20:42:53","slug":"mother-says","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2478","title":{"rendered":"Mother Says"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Throughout the centuries, mothers have been given their children plenty of good advice and notable quotes. Here&#8217;s just a small sampling:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>PAUL REVERE&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;I don&#8217;t care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;I don&#8217;t mind you having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>MONA LISA&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that&#8217;s the biggest smile you can give us?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>HUMPTY DUMPTY&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;Humpty, If I&#8217;ve told you once, I&#8217;ve told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>COLUMBUS&#8217; MOTHER: &#8220;I don&#8217;t care what you&#8217;ve discovered, Christopher. You still could have written!&#8221;<\/li>\n<p><li>BABE RUTH&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;Babe, how many times have I told you &#8212; quit playing ball in the house! That&#8217;s the third broken<br \/>\nwindow this week!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>MICHELANGELO&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;Mike, can&#8217;t you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>NAPOLEON&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;All right, Napoleon. If you aren&#8217;t hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>CUSTER&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;Now, George, remember what I told you &#8212; don&#8217;t go biting off more than you can chew!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>ABRAHAM LINCOLN&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can&#8217;t you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>BARNEY&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but you&#8217;re starting to look a little purple.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>MARY&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;I&#8217;m not upset that your lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>BATMAN&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;It&#8217;s a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>GOLDILOCKS&#8217; MOTHER: &#8220;I&#8217;ve got a bill here for a busted chair from the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>LITTLE MISS MUFFET&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;Well, all I&#8217;ve got to say is if you don&#8217;t get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there&#8217;ll be a lot more spiders around here!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>ALBERT EINSTEIN&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;But, Albert, it&#8217;s your senior picture. Can&#8217;t you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something&#8230;?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>GEORGE WASHINGTON&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>JONAH&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;That&#8217;s a nice story, but now tell me where you&#8217;ve really been for the last three days.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>SUPERMAN&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we&#8217;ve decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>THOMAS EDISON&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;Of course I&#8217;m proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Throughout the centuries, mothers have been given their children plenty of good advice and notable quotes. Here&#8217;s just a small sampling: PAUL REVERE&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;I don&#8217;t care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!&#8221; MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY&#8217;S MOTHER: &#8220;I don&#8217;t mind you having a garden, Mary, but [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[41],"tags":[972,1285],"class_list":["post-2478","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mother","tag-maternal","tag-sayings"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2478","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2478"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2478\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2478"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2478"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2478"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}