{"id":2476,"date":"2015-01-09T22:41:42","date_gmt":"2015-01-09T20:41:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2476"},"modified":"2015-01-09T22:41:42","modified_gmt":"2015-01-09T20:41:42","slug":"you-know-youre-a-mom-when-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2476","title":{"rendered":"You Know You&#8217;re A Mom When&#8230; Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>You count the sprinkles on each kid&#8217;s cupcake to make sure they&#8217;re equal.<\/li>\n<li>You have time to shave only one leg at a time.<\/li>\n<li>You hide in the bathroom to be alone.<\/li>\n<li>Your kid throws up and you catch it.<\/li>\n<li>Someone else&#8217;s kid throws up at a party. You keep eating.<\/li>\n<li>You consider finger paints to be a controlled substance.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;ve mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.<\/li>\n<li>Your child insists that you read &#8220;Once Upon a Potty&#8221; out loud in the lobby of Grand Central Station and you do it.<\/li>\n<li>You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.<\/li>\n<li>You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it&#8217;s the only one your child eats.<\/li>\n<li>You can&#8217;t bear the thought of your son&#8217;s first girlfriend.<\/li>\n<li>You hate the thought of his wife even more.<\/li>\n<li>You find yourself cutting your husband&#8217;s sandwiches into cute shapes.<\/li>\n<li>You can&#8217;t bear to give away baby clothes &#8211; it&#8217;s so final.<\/li>\n<li>You hear your mother&#8217;s voice coming out of your mouth when you say, &#8220;NOT in your good clothes!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.<\/li>\n<li>You donate to charities in the hope that your child won&#8217;t get that disease.<\/li>\n<li>You hire a sitter because you haven&#8217;t been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids.<\/li>\n<li>You use your own saliva to clean your child&#8217;s face.<\/li>\n<li>You say at least once a day, &#8220;I&#8217;m not cut out for this job&#8221;, but you know you wouldn&#8217;t trade it for anything.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You count the sprinkles on each kid&#8217;s cupcake to make sure they&#8217;re equal. You have time to shave only one leg at a time. You hide in the bathroom to be alone. Your kid throws up and you catch it. Someone else&#8217;s kid throws up at a party. You keep eating. You consider finger paints [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[41],"tags":[1041],"class_list":["post-2476","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mother","tag-motherhood"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2476","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2476"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2476\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2476"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2476"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2476"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}