{"id":2468,"date":"2015-01-09T22:34:08","date_gmt":"2015-01-09T20:34:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2468"},"modified":"2015-01-09T22:34:08","modified_gmt":"2015-01-09T20:34:08","slug":"the-evolution-of-mom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2468","title":{"rendered":"The Evolution of Mom"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Your Clothes<br \/>\n1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB\/GYN confirms your pregnancy.<br \/>\n2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.<br \/>\n3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.<\/li>\n<p><li>The Baby&#8217;s Name<br \/>\n1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.<br \/>\n2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.<br \/>\n3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Preparing for the Birth<br \/>\n1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously<br \/>\n2nd baby: You don&#8217;t bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn&#8217;t do a thing.<br \/>\n3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>The Layette<br \/>\n1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn&#8217;s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby&#8217;s little bureau.<br \/>\n2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.<br \/>\n3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can&#8217;t they?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Worries<br \/>\n1st baby: At the first sign of distress &#8212; a whimper, a frown &#8212; you pick up the baby.<br \/>\n2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.<br \/>\n3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Activities<br \/>\n1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.<br \/>\n2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.<br \/>\n3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Going Out<br \/>\n1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.<br \/>\n2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.<br \/>\n3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>At Home<br \/>\n1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.<br \/>\n2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn&#8217;t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.<br \/>\n3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>The Baby Book<br \/>\n1st baby: Every single page is filled out, and you add tons of pictures, locks of hair, and other mementos.<br \/>\n2nd baby: You log only the highlights and put in a couple of Christmas and birthday pictures.<br \/>\n3rd baby: Yeah, you have one. Blank with nothing in it. Who has time with 2 toddlers and a baby?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first: Your Clothes 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB\/GYN confirms your pregnancy. 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[41],"tags":[607,1041],"class_list":["post-2468","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mother","tag-evolution","tag-motherhood"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2468","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2468"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2468\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2468"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2468"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2468"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}