{"id":2464,"date":"2015-01-09T22:31:37","date_gmt":"2015-01-09T20:31:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2464"},"modified":"2015-01-09T22:31:37","modified_gmt":"2015-01-09T20:31:37","slug":"what-you-can-learn-from-your-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2464","title":{"rendered":"What You Can Learn From Your Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.<\/li>\n<li>If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.<\/li>\n<li>A 4 years old&#8217;s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.<\/li>\n<li>If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.<\/li>\n<li>It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.<\/li>\n<li>When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.<\/li>\n<li>A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.<\/li>\n<li>The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn&#8217;t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.<\/li>\n<li>When you hear the toilet flush and the words &#8216;Uh-oh,&#8217; it&#8217;s already too late.<\/li>\n<li>A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock, even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.<\/li>\n<li>If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak-it explodes.<\/li>\n<li>A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.<\/li>\n<li>Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.<\/li>\n<li>Duplos will not.<\/li>\n<li>&#8216;Play Dough&#8217; and &#8216;microwave&#8217; should never be used in the same sentence.<\/li>\n<li>SuperGlue is forever.<\/li>\n<li>McGyver can teach us many things we don&#8217;t want to know.<\/li>\n<li>Ditto Tarzan.<\/li>\n<li>No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool, you still can&#8217;t walk on water.<\/li>\n<li>Pool filters do not like Jello.<\/li>\n<li>VCR&#8217;s do not eject PB&#038;J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.<\/li>\n<li>Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.<\/li>\n<li>Always look in the oven before you turn it on.<\/li>\n<li>Plastic toys do not like ovens.<\/li>\n<li>The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time.<\/li>\n<li>The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.<\/li>\n<li>It will, however, make cats dizzy.<\/li>\n<li>Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.<\/li>\n<li>Quiet does not necessarily mean &#8216;don&#8217;t worry&#8217;.<\/li>\n<li>A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There is no such thing as child-proofing your house. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. A 4 years old&#8217;s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[41],"tags":[359,909],"class_list":["post-2464","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mother","tag-children","tag-lessons"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2464","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2464"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2464\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2464"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2464"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2464"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}