{"id":2458,"date":"2015-01-09T22:27:10","date_gmt":"2015-01-09T20:27:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2458"},"modified":"2015-01-09T22:27:10","modified_gmt":"2015-01-09T20:27:10","slug":"attention-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2458","title":{"rendered":"Attention Children!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><P align=\"center\">The Bathroom Door is Closed.<\/P><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Please do not stand here and talk, whine, or ask questions. Wait until I get out.<\/li>\n<li>Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken, I am not trapped. I know I have left it unlocked, and even open at times, since you were born, because I was afraid some horrible tragedy might occur while I was in here, but it&#8217;s been 10 years and I want some PRIVACY.<\/li>\n<li>Do not ask me how long I will be. I will come out when I am done.<\/li>\n<li>Do not bring the phone to the bathroom door.<\/li>\n<li>Do not go running back to the phone yelling, &#8220;She&#8217;s in the BATHROOM!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Do not begin to fight as soon as I go in.<\/li>\n<li>Do not stick your little fingers under the door and wiggle them. This was funny when you were two, but not now.<\/li>\n<li>Do not slide pennies, Legos, or notes under the door. Even when you were two this got a little tiresome.<\/li>\n<li>If you have followed me down the hall talking, and are still talking as you face this closed door, please turn around, walk away, and wait for me in another room. I will be glad to listen to you when I am done.<\/li>\n<li>And yes, I still love you.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>(signed)<br \/>\nMom<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Bathroom Door is Closed. Please do not stand here and talk, whine, or ask questions. Wait until I get out. Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken, I am not trapped. I know I have left it unlocked, and even open at times, since you were born, because [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[41],"tags":[206,359],"class_list":["post-2458","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mother","tag-bathroom","tag-children"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2458","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2458"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2458\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2458"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2458"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2458"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}