{"id":2380,"date":"2015-01-07T22:49:46","date_gmt":"2015-01-07T20:49:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2380"},"modified":"2015-01-07T22:49:46","modified_gmt":"2015-01-07T20:49:46","slug":"how-to-be-annoying-during-the-air-force-stationary-bike-test","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2380","title":{"rendered":"How to be Annoying During the Air Force Stationary Bike Test"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Wear a bike helmet to the test. Optional: Include knee and elbow pads.<\/li>\n<li>Demand the tester wear a reflective road guard vest &#8220;for safety.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Bring a bike horn and attach it. Each time the tester adjusts the tension, honk the horn loudly and yell, &#8220;Get the hell out of the way, you idiot!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Bring a bike bell and attach it. Ring it once every 15 seconds &#8211; &#8220;Just to maintain your rhythm.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Attach streamers to the hand grips.<\/li>\n<li>Bring a playing card to the test. Demand that it be inserted in the spokes.<\/li>\n<li>Pop a wheelie. Optional: Do an axle grind on the nearest table.<br \/>Optional: Bunny hop the bike.<\/li>\n<li>At the beginning of the test, peddle while standing. Tell the tester, &#8220;I&#8217;m going uphill now, you fool.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Halfway through the test, stop peddling and lower your head between the handle bars and stick your butt in the air. Explain to the tester, &#8220;I&#8217;m coasting downhill and about to take the lead in the Tour De France!!!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Signal all turns.<\/li>\n<li>Make motorcycle sounds. Be sure to shift gears when the tester changes the tension.<\/li>\n<li>Bring a sack of newspapers. Deliver them.<\/li>\n<li>Periodically extend your legs and arms, yelling, &#8220;Look ma, no hands!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Bring a friend to ride on the handle bars. Optional: Attach a kiddy seat to the back. Bring your kid.<\/li>\n<li>Bring a bike lock. Be sure to secure the bike when you leave.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Wear a bike helmet to the test. Optional: Include knee and elbow pads. Demand the tester wear a reflective road guard vest &#8220;for safety.&#8221; Bring a bike horn and attach it. Each time the tester adjusts the tension, honk the horn loudly and yell, &#8220;Get the hell out of the way, you idiot!&#8221; Bring a [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[38],"tags":[117,1424],"class_list":["post-2380","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mil","tag-air-force","tag-testing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2380","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2380"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2380\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2380"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2380"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2380"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}