Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE ***
\nProject: Version – Windows XP<\/p>\n
Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE):<\/p>\n
#include #define say(x) lie(x) void main() void bugfix(void) Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE *** Project: Version – Windows XP Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE): #include #include #include \/* Microsoft Network Connectivity library *\/ #include \/* For the court of law *\/ #define say(x) lie(x) #define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE #define next_year soon #define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version void main() { if (latest_window_version>one_month_old) { if (there_are_still_bugs) market(bugfix); if […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37],"tags":[1005,1301,1339],"class_list":["post-2363","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-micro","tag-microsoft","tag-secret","tag-source-code"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2363","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2363"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2363\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2363"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2363"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2363"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n#include
\n#include
\n#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
\n#define next_year soon
\n#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version<\/p>\n
\n{
\n if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
\n {
\n if (there_are_still_bugs)
\n market(bugfix);
\n if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
\n raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
\n }
\n while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
\n {
\n make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); \/* Standard Call, in lie.h *\/
\n if (rumours_grow_wilder)
\n make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
\n if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
\n {
\n market_time=ripe;
\n say(“It will be ready in one month);
\n order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
\n order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
\n order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
\n vapourware=TRUE;
\n break;
\n }
\n }
\n switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
\n {
\n case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
\n say(“It will be ready in”, today+30_days,” we’re just testing”);
\n break;
\n case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
\n say(“Yes it will work”);
\n ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
\n pretend(there_is_no_problem);
\n break;
\n case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
\n say(“It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to”
\n ” the 32 bits architecture”);
\n inform(INTEL, “Pentium sales will rise skyhigh”);
\n inform(SAMSUNG, “Start a new memorychip plant”
\n “‘cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs”);
\n inform(QUANTUM, “Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple”);
\n get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
\n break;
\n case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
\n say(“Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
\n everyone”);
\n register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
\n when(time_is_ripe)
\n {
\n arrest(journalist);
\n brainwash(journalist);
\n when(journalist_says_windowsXP_is_bugfree)
\n {
\n order(journalist, “write a nice objective article”);
\n release (journalist);
\n }
\n }
\n break;
\n }
\n while (vapourware)
\n {
\n introduction_date++; \/* Delay *\/
\n if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
\n break;
\n say(“It will be ready in”,today+ONE_MONTH);
\n }
\n release(beta_version)
\n while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
\n {
\n bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
\n release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
\n introduce(more_memory_requirements);
\n if (customers_report_installation_problems)
\n {
\n say(“that is a hardware problem, not a software problem”);
\n if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
\n {
\n ignore(customer);
\n order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, “Keep an eye on this
\n bastard”);
\n }
\n }
\n if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years )
\n {
\n divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
\n wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
\n marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
\n devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
\n if (boobies_start_to_hang)
\n dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
\n }
\n if (there_is_another_company)
\n {
\n steal(their_ideas);
\n accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
\n hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); \/* in process.h *\/
\n wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
\n buy_out(other_company);
\n }
\n }
\n \/* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at
\n us *\/
\n order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
\n buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
\n laugh_at(everyone,
\nfor_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
\n}<\/p>\n
\n{
\n charge (a_lot_of_money)
\n if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
\n say(“It is not a bugfix but a new version”);
\n if (still_complaints)
\n {
\n ignore(customer);
\n register(customer, big_Bill_book);
\n \/* We’ll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*\/
\n }
\n}<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"