{"id":2342,"date":"2015-01-06T20:31:34","date_gmt":"2015-01-06T18:31:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2342"},"modified":"2015-01-06T20:31:34","modified_gmt":"2015-01-06T18:31:34","slug":"signs-bill-gates-is-having-a-mid-life-crisis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2342","title":{"rendered":"Signs Bill Gates is Having a Mid-life Crisis"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Gives his age as &#8220;39, version 5.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Hires someone to purchase a sports car and pursue young bimbos.<\/li>\n<li>Spends $6 on a new hairstyle.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;No, honey. I didn&#8217;t say I bought *a* Porsche&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Replaced the animated paper clip Office Assistant with a Hooters waitress.<\/li>\n<li>Grows beard and tints it gray to simulate the &#8220;look and feel&#8221; of Steven Jobs. <\/li>\n<li>Keeps buying younger and younger companies.<\/li>\n<li>Supermodel eggs? Pffft. Bill&#8217;s got him a six-pack of supermodels.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;The first rule of Microsoft Club is: Everyone Kisses My Ass In Microsoft Club!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Same as everybody else: Decides to run for President.<\/li>\n<li>Ignores his wife to spend time writing inappropriate code for a 16-year-old Apple Lisa.<\/li>\n<li>Changed the name of his company to EnormousHard.<\/li>\n<li>Joined the Personality Club for Men.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Gives his age as &#8220;39, version 5.&#8221; Hires someone to purchase a sports car and pursue young bimbos. Spends $6 on a new hairstyle. &#8220;No, honey. I didn&#8217;t say I bought *a* Porsche&#8230;&#8221; Replaced the animated paper clip Office Assistant with a Hooters waitress. Grows beard and tints it gray to simulate the &#8220;look and [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37],"tags":[235,1007],"class_list":["post-2342","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-micro","tag-bill-gates","tag-mid-life-crisis"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2342","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2342"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2342\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2342"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2342"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2342"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}