{"id":2319,"date":"2015-01-06T17:24:47","date_gmt":"2015-01-06T15:24:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2319"},"modified":"2015-01-06T17:24:47","modified_gmt":"2015-01-06T15:24:47","slug":"if-microsoft-was-jewish","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2319","title":{"rendered":"If Microsoft was Jewish"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Instead of getting a &#8220;General Protection Fault&#8221; error, your PC would get &#8220;Verklemmt&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>When you fill up your &#8220;C-drive&#8221;, you will get a &#8220;Hard Drive is Shtupped&#8221; message.<\/li>\n<li>Hanukkah screen savers will have &#8220;Flying Draydles&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>Your PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.<\/li>\n<li>CD-ROM&#8217;s would be rendered obsolete with the invention of high compression DVB&#8217;s (digital video bagels).<\/li>\n<li>Your &#8220;Start&#8221; button would be replaced with a &#8220;Let&#8217;s go!  I&#8217;m not getting any younger!&#8221; button.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Abort, Retry, Ignore&#8221; would be replaced with &#8220;Stop it already &#8211; You&#8217;re killing me!, You vant I should try it again?, I didn&#8217;t hear  that!&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>When disconnecting external devices from the back of your PC, you would be instructed to &#8220;Remove the cable from your PC&#8217;s toukches&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>Your multimedia player would be renamed to &#8220;Nu, so play my musical ready!&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>During Passover, your PC would not be able to read &#8220;leavened floppies&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Microsoft Word&#8221; would be renamed to &#8220;Microsoft Kibbitz&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>Microsoft Office would include &#8220;A little byte of this, and a little byte of that&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>When running &#8220;scandisk&#8221;, you will be prompted with a &#8220;You vant I should fix this?&#8221; message.<\/li>\n<li>When your PC is working too hard, you would occasionally hear a loud &#8220;Oy!!!&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>A &#8220;monitor cleaning solution&#8221; from Manischewitz would advertise that it gets rid of the &#8220;schmootz&#8221; on your monitor.<\/li>\n<li>After 20 minutes of no activity, your PC would go &#8220;Shloofie&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Computer viruses would now be cured with chicken soup.<\/li>\n<li>Solitaire would be replaced with on-line &#8220;Bingo&#8221;or &#8220;Mah-Jong.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Internet Explorer would now have a spinning &#8220;Star of David&#8221; in the upper right corner.<\/li>\n<li>After your computer dies, you would dispose of it within 24 hours.<\/li>\n<li>You would hear the tune &#8220;Hava Nagila&#8221; during startup.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Year 2000&#8221; issues are replaced by &#8220;Year 5760-5761&#8221; issues.<\/li>\n<li>Bill Gates&#8217; official theme song would be &#8220;If I Were a Rich Man&#8221;.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Instead of getting a &#8220;General Protection Fault&#8221; error, your PC would get &#8220;Verklemmt&#8221;. When you fill up your &#8220;C-drive&#8221;, you will get a &#8220;Hard Drive is Shtupped&#8221; message. Hanukkah screen savers will have &#8220;Flying Draydles&#8221;. Your PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings. CD-ROM&#8217;s would be rendered obsolete with the invention of high [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37],"tags":[870],"class_list":["post-2319","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-micro","tag-jewish"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2319","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2319"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2319\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2319"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2319"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2319"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}