{"id":2229,"date":"2015-01-06T12:13:34","date_gmt":"2015-01-06T10:13:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2229"},"modified":"2015-01-06T12:13:34","modified_gmt":"2015-01-06T10:13:34","slug":"what-doctors-say","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2229","title":{"rendered":"What Doctors Say&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&#8230;..and what they&#8217;re really thinking<\/p>\n<ul>\n<p><li>&#8220;This should be taken care of right away.&#8221;<br \/>\nI&#8217;d planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;Welllllll, what have we here&#8230;?&#8221;<br \/>\nHe has no idea and is hoping you&#8217;ll give him a clue.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;Let me check your medical history.&#8221;<br \/>\nI want to see if you paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;Why don&#8217;t we make another appointment later in the week.&#8221;<br \/>\nI&#8217;m playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time..or..I need the bucks, so I&#8217;m charging you for another office visit.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;I have some good news and some bad news.&#8221;<br \/>\nThe good news is, I&#8217;m going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you&#8217;re going to pay for it.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;Let&#8217;s see how it develops.&#8221;<br \/>\nMaybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;Let me schedule you for some tests.&#8221;<br \/>\nI have 40% interest in the lab.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;I&#8217;d like to have my associate look at you.&#8221;<br \/>\nHe&#8217;s going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;I&#8217;d like to prescribe a new drug.&#8221;<br \/>\nI&#8217;m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;If it doesn&#8217;t clear up in a week, give me a call.&#8221;<br \/>\nI don&#8217;t know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;That&#8217;s quite a nasty looking wound.&#8221;<br \/>\nI think I&#8217;m going to throw up.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;This may smart a little.&#8221;<br \/>\nLast week two patients bit off their tongues.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;Well, we&#8217;re not feeling so well today, are we&#8230;?&#8221;<br \/>\nI&#8217;m stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;This should fix you up.&#8221;<br \/>\nThe drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;Everything seems to be normal.&#8221;<br \/>\nRats! I guess I can&#8217;t buy that new beach condo after all.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;I&#8217;d like to run some more tests.&#8221;<br \/>\nI can&#8217;t figure out what&#8217;s wrong maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?&#8221;<br \/>\nYou&#8217;re crazier&#8217;n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink who&#8217;ll split fees with me&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;There is a lot of that going around.&#8221;<br \/>\nMy God, that&#8217;s the third one this week. I&#8217;d better learn something about this.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>&#8220;If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment.&#8221;<br \/>\nI&#8217;ve never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I&#8217;m off next week!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8230;..and what they&#8217;re really thinking &#8220;This should be taken care of right away.&#8221; I&#8217;d planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself. &#8220;Welllllll, what have we here&#8230;?&#8221; He has no idea and is hoping you&#8217;ll give him a clue. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[527],"class_list":["post-2229","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-medical","tag-doctors"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2229","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2229"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2229\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2229"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2229"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2229"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}