{"id":2221,"date":"2015-01-06T12:07:41","date_gmt":"2015-01-06T10:07:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2221"},"modified":"2015-01-06T12:07:41","modified_gmt":"2015-01-06T10:07:41","slug":"you-know-youve-joined-a-cheap-new-hmo-when","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2221","title":{"rendered":"You Know You&#8217;ve Joined a Cheap New HMO When&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Your annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters.<\/li>\n<p><P><LI>The only proctologist in the plan is &#8220;Gus&#8221; from Roto-Rooter.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><P><LI>The only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is &#8220;An apple a day.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><P><LI>Your &#8220;primary care physician&#8221; is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><P><LI>&#8220;The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges&#8221; is not a typo.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><P><LI>The only expense covered 100% is embalming.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><P><LI>With your last HMO, your Prozac didn&#8217;t come in different colors with little &#8220;M&#8221;s on them.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><P><LI>You ask for Viagra; you get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><P><LI>Exam room has a tip jar.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><P><LI>You swear you saw salad tongs and a crab fork on the instrument tray just before the anesthesia kicked in.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><P><LI>The company logo features a hand squeezing a bleeding turnip.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><P><LI>Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><P><LI>Chief Surgeon graduated from University of Benihana.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><P><LI>Directions to your doctor&#8217;s office include, &#8220;take a left when you enter the trailer park,&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><P><LI>24-hour pre-authorization line is 1-800-GUD-LUCK.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><P><LI>Enema? The lavatory faucet swivels to face upward.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Your annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters. The only proctologist in the plan is &#8220;Gus&#8221; from Roto-Rooter. The only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is &#8220;An apple a day.&#8221; Your &#8220;primary care physician&#8221; is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month. &#8220;The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges&#8221; is [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[175,790],"class_list":["post-2221","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-medical","tag-bad","tag-hmo"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2221","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2221"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2221\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2221"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2221"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2221"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}