{"id":2205,"date":"2015-01-06T11:55:44","date_gmt":"2015-01-06T09:55:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2205"},"modified":"2015-01-06T11:55:44","modified_gmt":"2015-01-06T09:55:44","slug":"marthas-way-versus-my-way","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2205","title":{"rendered":"Martha&#8217;s Way Versus My Way"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Martha&#8217;s way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.\n<p>My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete&#8217;s sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up<br \/>\neating it anyway.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Martha&#8217;s way #2: Use a meat baster to &#8220;squeeze&#8221; your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you&#8217;ll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.\n<p>My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Martha&#8217;s way #3: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.\n<p>My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Martha&#8217;s way #4: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.\n<p>My way: Who cares if they crack, aren&#8217;t you going to take the shells off anyway?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Martha&#8217;s way #5: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing.\n<p>My way: Sleep with the lemons in between the mattress and box springs Or better yet, just get the plastic kind from the grocery store. Lots of juice there.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Martha&#8217;s way #6: To easily remove burnt-on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stovetop.\n<p>My way: Eat at Chili&#8217;s every night and avoid cooking.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Martha&#8217;s way #7: Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won&#8217;t be any stains.\n<p>My way: Feed your garbage disposal and there won&#8217;t be any leftovers.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Martha&#8217;s way #8: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won&#8217;t be any white mess on the outside of the cake.\n<p>My way: Go to the bakery. They&#8217;ll even decorate it for you.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Martha&#8217;s way #9: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it&#8217;s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess<br \/>\nsalt for an instant &#8220;fix me up&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>My way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that&#8217;s too bad.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Martha&#8217;s way #10: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.\n<p>My way: Celery? Never heard of the stuff.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Martha&#8217;s way #11: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.\n<p>My way: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust and so I don&#8217;t do it.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Martha&#8217;s way #12: Place a slice of apple in hardened brown sugar to soften it.\n<p>My Way: Brown sugar is supposed to be &#8220;soft&#8221;?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Martha&#8217;s way #13: When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn&#8217;s natural sweetness.\n<p>My Way: The only kind of corn I buy comes in a can.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Martha&#8217;s way #14: To determine whether an egg is fresh, immerse it in a pan of cool, salted water. If it sinks, it is fresh, but if it rises to the surface, throw it away.\n<p>My way: Eat, cook, or use the egg anyway. If you feel bad later, you will know it wasn&#8217;t fresh.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Martha&#8217;s way #15: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.\n<p>Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can&#8217;t rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem isn&#8217;t the headache anymore, it is because you are now blind.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Martha&#8217;s way #16: Don&#8217;t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.\n<p>My way: Leftover wine?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Martha&#8217;s way #17: If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.\n<p>My way: Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Martha&#8217;s way #18: Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse with water.\n<p>My way: Mashed potatoes will now be replacing the antibacterial soap in the handy dispenser next to my sink.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Martha&#8217;s way #19: Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer.\n<ul>\n<li>Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous china.\n<li>Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets.\n<li>Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.\n<li>Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).\n<\/ul>\n<p>My way: Put your jewelry, vases, and thermos in the toilet. Add some Alka-Seltzer and you have solved a whole bunch of problems at once.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Martha&#8217;s way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete&#8217;s sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway. Martha&#8217;s way #2: Use a [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[525,929,1436],"class_list":["post-2205","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-martha","tag-diy","tag-living","tag-tips"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2205","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2205"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2205\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2205"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2205"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2205"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}