{"id":2197,"date":"2015-01-06T11:45:45","date_gmt":"2015-01-06T09:45:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2197"},"modified":"2015-01-06T11:45:45","modified_gmt":"2015-01-06T09:45:45","slug":"martha-stewart-living-fall-lifestyle-tips","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2197","title":{"rendered":"Martha Stewart Living Fall Lifestyle Tips"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Never mix your orange jumpsuit with a clashing gang bandana.<\/li>\n<li>Teardrops and webbings carved into your face with a razor blade and a ball point pen is tre pass\u00e9.  Slice in something seasonal&#8211;like a pineapple.  Or a classic like sparkling stars.<\/li>\n<li>Tired of your daily ration of meatcakes and pudding?  Spice it up with plenty of viscous tomato puree or catsup.  Remember that not only does catsup kill the taste, it&#8217;s almost a vegetable.<\/li>\n<li>Lower intestine stuffed with a balloon of heroin? Just a tablespoon of Epsom Salt should flush that precious package right out!<\/li>\n<li>Your submissive cell mate deserves a treat!  A little hint of lavender or vanilla will scent the sock you stuff in your bitch&#8217;s mouth before dolling out sorely needed discipline. Aromatherapy&#8230;  it&#8217;s a good thang.<\/li>\n<li>Thinking about rolling up your sleeves while pumping iron?  A little soap scum can be used to grease those muscles right up so they glint in the prison yard sun.<\/li>\n<li>Hot colors this season: Mandarin; Apricot; Traffic Cone; Caribbean Sunset; Pumpkin; Life Preserver; Electric Sunkist.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Never mix your orange jumpsuit with a clashing gang bandana. Teardrops and webbings carved into your face with a razor blade and a ball point pen is tre pass\u00e9. Slice in something seasonal&#8211;like a pineapple. Or a classic like sparkling stars. Tired of your daily ration of meatcakes and pudding? Spice it up with plenty [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[525,618,929,1436],"class_list":["post-2197","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-martha","tag-diy","tag-fall","tag-living","tag-tips"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2197","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2197"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2197\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2197"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2197"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2197"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}