{"id":2186,"date":"2015-01-06T11:25:40","date_gmt":"2015-01-06T09:25:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2186"},"modified":"2015-01-06T11:25:40","modified_gmt":"2015-01-06T09:25:40","slug":"acute-case-of-martha-stewart-disease","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2186","title":{"rendered":"Acute Case of Martha Stewart Disease"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Here are a few signs that you may be in need of professional help:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>You serve wine to your guests in conch shells.<\/li>\n<li>You serve entrees in an attractive real bird&#8217;s nest you found in a nearby forest.<\/li>\n<li>You make your own Jell-O from calves&#8217; hooves rather than buy the powdered stuff.<\/li>\n<li>You decorate your cakes with pieces of ceramic, bundles of chiffon, buttons, marbles and other inedible stuff because &#8220;it looks so pretty.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;ve macramed yourself a computer cozy from yarn, recycled plastic and pop-top rings.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;ve smeared the walls with yogurt so that over time a natural-looking greenish mold will grow, giving your home the fashionably distressed look of an ancient Greek temple.<\/li>\n<li>You sleep outside the house, in a tent, so that you don&#8217;t spoil your perfectly made bed.<\/li>\n<li>All of the grass in your front yard is French braided.<\/li>\n<li>Each and every flower in the back yard is wrapped in raffia and sports a shiny red bow.<\/li>\n<li>Before you go to bed at night, you spend hours on your hobby farm putting the wool on your sheep&#8217;s bodies in hot rollers, so they will look more fluffy and glamorous than the neighbor&#8217;s.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Here are a few signs that you may be in need of professional help: You serve wine to your guests in conch shells. You serve entrees in an attractive real bird&#8217;s nest you found in a nearby forest. You make your own Jell-O from calves&#8217; hooves rather than buy the powdered stuff. You decorate your [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[525,929],"class_list":["post-2186","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-martha","tag-diy","tag-living"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2186","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2186"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2186\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2186"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2186"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2186"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}