{"id":2155,"date":"2015-01-06T00:06:49","date_gmt":"2015-01-05T22:06:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2155"},"modified":"2015-01-06T00:06:49","modified_gmt":"2015-01-05T22:06:49","slug":"the-true-stella-awards-2006-winners","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2155","title":{"rendered":"The TRUE Stella Awards &#8212; 2006 Winners"},"content":{"rendered":"<p align=\"center\">by Randy Cassingham<\/p>\n<p>Unlike the FAKE cases that have been highly circulated online for the last several years (see <a href=\"http:\/\/www.StellaAwards.com\/bogus.html\">http:\/\/www.StellaAwards.com\/bogus.html<\/a> for details), the following cases have been researched from public sources and are confirmed TRUE by the ONLY legitimate source for the Stella<br \/>\nAwards: <a href=\"http:\/\/www.stellaawards.com\/\">www.StellaAwards.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n<hr width=\"60%\">\n<ul>\n<li>#5: Marcy Meckler. While shopping at a mall, Meckler stepped outside and was &#8220;attacked&#8221; by a squirrel that lived among the trees and bushes. And &#8220;while frantically attempting to escape from the squirrel and detach it from her leg, [Meckler] fell and suffered severe injuries,&#8221; her resulting lawsuit says. That&#8217;s the mall&#8217;s fault, the lawsuit claims, demanding in excess of $50,000, based on the mall&#8217;s &#8220;failure to warn&#8221; her that squirrels live outside.<\/li>\n<li>#4:  Ron and Kristie Simmons. The couple&#8217;s 4-year-old son, Justin, was killed in a tragic lawnmower accident in a licensed daycare facility, and the death was clearly the result of negligence by the daycare providers. The providers were clearly deserving of being sued, yet when the Simmons&#8217;s discovered the daycare only had $100,000 in insurance, they dropped the case against them and instead sued the manufacturer of the 16-year-old lawn mower because the mower didn&#8217;t have a safety device that 1) had not been invented at the time of the mower&#8217;s manufacture, and 2) no safety agency had even suggested needed it to be invented. A sympathetic jury still awarded the family $2 million.<\/li>\n<li>#3: Robert Clymer. An FBI agent working a high-profile case in Las Vegas, Clymer allegedly created a disturbance, lost the magazine from his pistol, then crashed his pickup truck in a drunken stupor &#8212; his blood-alcohol level was 0.306 percent, more than three times the legal limit for driving in Nevada. He pled guilty to drunk driving because, his lawyer explained, &#8220;With public officials, we expect them to own up to their mistakes and correct them.&#8221; Yet Clymer had the gall to sue the manufacturer of his pickup truck, and the dealer he bought it from, because he &#8220;somehow lost consciousness&#8221; and the truck &#8220;somehow produced a heavy smoke that filled the passenger cab.&#8221; Yep: the drunk-driving accident wasn&#8217;t his fault, but the truck&#8217;s fault. Just the kind of guy you want carrying a gun in the name of the law.<\/li>\n<li>#2: KinderStart.com. The specialty search engine says Google should be forced to include the KinderStart site in its listings, reveal how its &#8220;Page Rank&#8221; system works, and pay them lots of money because they&#8217;re a competitor. They claim by not being ranked higher in Google, Google is somehow infringing KinderStart&#8217;s Constitutional right to free speech. Even if by some stretch they were a competitor of Google, why in the world would they think it&#8217;s Google&#8217;s responsibility to help them succeed? And if Google&#8217;s &#8220;review&#8221; of their site is negative, wouldn&#8217;t a government court order forcing them to change it infringe on Google&#8217;s Constitutional right to free speech?<\/li>\n<li><b>AND THE WINNER of the 2006 TRUE Stella Award:<\/b> Allen Ray Heckard. Even though Heckard is 3 inches shorter, 25 pounds lighter, and 8 years older than former basketball star Michael Jordan, the Portland, Oregon, man says he looks a lot like Jordan, and is often confused for him &#8212; and thus he deserves $52 million &#8220;for defamation and permanent injury&#8221; &#8212; plus $364 million in &#8220;punitive damage for emotional pain and suffering&#8221;, plus the SAME amount from Nike co-founder Phil Knight, for a grand total of $832 million. He dropped the suit after Nike&#8217;s lawyers chatted with him, where they presumably explained how they&#8217;d counter-sue if he pressed on.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr width=\"60%\">\n<p>TO CONFIRM THE VALIDITY OF THESE CASES or get more information on the True Stella Awards, see <a href=\"http:\/\/www.stellaawards.com\/\">www.StellaAwards.com<\/a>. The True Stella Awards were only published in 2002-2007. ANY claims otherwise are bogus and are merely someone trying to capitalize on the true awards.<\/P><\/p>\n<div align=\"center\">Copyright 2007 <a href=\"http:\/\/www.thisistrue.com\/\">This<i>is<\/i>True.Inc<\/a>.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by Randy Cassingham Unlike the FAKE cases that have been highly circulated online for the last several years (see http:\/\/www.StellaAwards.com\/bogus.html for details), the following cases have been researched from public sources and are confirmed TRUE by the ONLY legitimate source for the Stella Awards: www.StellaAwards.com. #5: Marcy Meckler. While shopping at a mall, Meckler stepped [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[679,1229,1363,1433],"class_list":["post-2155","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-law","tag-frivolous-lawsuit","tag-randy-cassingham","tag-stella","tag-this-is-true"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2155","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2155"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2155\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2155"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2155"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2155"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}