{"id":212,"date":"2014-12-21T17:45:12","date_gmt":"2014-12-21T15:45:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=212"},"modified":"2014-12-21T17:45:12","modified_gmt":"2014-12-21T15:45:12","slug":"application-to-live-in-northern-wisconsin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=212","title":{"rendered":"Application to Live in Northern Wisconsin"},"content":{"rendered":"
    \n
  1. Name:_______________________________________________<\/li>\n

  2. Nickname:________________
    \nC.B. Handle_________________<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  3. Mobile Home Color:
    \n____ Two-tone, Brown and White
    \n____ Two-tone, Pink and White
    \n____ Faded Green<\/li>\n<\/p>\n
  4. Daddy: (if unknown, attach list of three suspects):<\/p>\n

    _______________ ______________ _____________<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  5. Mama: _____________<\/li>\n

  6. Neck Shade
    \n____ Light Red
    \n____ Medium Red
    \n____ Dark Red<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  7. Number of teeth in exposed full grin
    \n____ Upper
    \n____ Lower<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  8. Model of pickup truck:__________
    \nSize of tires: _____________<\/li>\n<\/p>\n
  9. ____ Number of beer cans on floor of pickup truck<\/li>\n

  10. Truck equipped with:
    \n____ Gun Rack
    \n____ Mud Flaps
    \n____ Camper Top
    \n____ Air Horn
    \n____ American Flag
    \n____ 4-W Drive
    \n____ 8-Track
    \n____ Rust
    \n____ Fuzz Buster
    \n____ Roll Bar
    \n____ C.B.
    \n____ Dents
    \n____ Load of wood
    \n____ Mud Tires
    \n____ Deer poaching spot light
    \n____ Playboy emblem hanging from rearview mirror
    \n____ Woman’s garter hanging from rearview mirror
    \n____ Pine tree air freshener hanging from rearview mirror<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  11. Bumper Stickers
    \n____ Honk if You’re Horny
    \n____ *uck ’em Bucky
    \n____ Almost Heaven, Hayward
    \n____ Where the Hell is Rhinelander?
    \n____ Feminazis for Kohl

    \n____ Wisconsin State Bird: Mosquito
    \n____ Ducks Unlimited

    \n____ Walleyes Unlimited
    \n____ Tommy Bartlett Water Show
    \n____ Nuke Illinois
    \n____ Eat Cheese or Die

    \n____ Cheddarheads for Bush
    \n____ You’ll Get My Gun When You Pry My Cold Dead Fingers From Around The Barrel
    \n____ The Pack is Back (on bumper since 1973)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  12. Favorite Meal:
    \n____ Anything fried in lard
    \n____ Pickled pigs feet
    \n____ Bratwurst and Old Milwaukee
    \n____ Venison sausage and Old Milwaukee
    \n____ Cheesecurds and Old Milwaukee
    \n____ Green bean and mushroom soup casserole
    \n____ Slim Jims and lime Jell-o<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  13. Favorite Music:
    \n____ Country
    \n____ Western
    \n____ Country Western
    \n____ Anything played by an accordian<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  14. Favorite Recreation:
    \n____ Deer Huntin
    \n____ Snowmobilin
    \n____ Fishin with live bait
    \n____ Watching Green Acres reruns

    \n____ Deer huntin while drinking
    \n____ Snowmobilin while drinking
    \n____ Fishin with live bait while drinking
    \n____ Watchin Green Acres while drinking<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  15. Favorite Weapon:
    \n____ .22
    \n____ 30\/30
    \n____ 30\/06
    \n____ Ice auger
    \n____ Chain saw
    \n____ Tire iron
    \n____ Forehead
    \n____ Wife<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  16. Favorite Fragrance:
    \n____ Wet dogs
    \n____ WD-40
    \n____ Old Milwaukee
    \n____ Minnow bucket
    \n____ Frying Spam
    \n____ Diesel fuel
    \n____ A paper mill on a hot day in August
    \n____ Fish guts after a week in the trash (in the garage) in August
    \n____ Any scent eminating from a bodily orifice<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  17. Favorite Cap Emblem:
    \n____ Old Milwaukee
    \n____ Stihl
    \n____ Blatz
    \n____ Skoal
    \n____ Packers
    \n____ Pabst
    \n____ John Deere
    \n____ Hamms
    \n____ Brewers
    \n____ Point Beer
    \n____ Old Fart
    \n____ Old Style<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  18. Favorite Reading:
    \n____ Fishing Facts
    \n____ TV Guide
    \n____ Beer Bottle Labels
    \n____ Enquirer
    \n____ Guns & Ammo
    \n____ Today’s Mercenary
    \n____ Polka Digest
    \n____ Aryan Review
    \n____ Welfare Application
    \n____ Sports Illustrated (swimsuit edition only)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  19. ____ Length of Right Leg:
    \n____ Length of Left Leg<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  20. Things in Your Front Yard:
    \n____ Various kitchen appliances
    \n____ Piles of split wood
    \n____ Cars on blocks

    \n____ Dismantled snowmobiles
    \n____ Dog run with all the grass worn away down to rock hard dirt
    \n____ Broken, metal frame, screen gazebo
    \n____ Deer hanging from tree limb–in season
    \n____ Deer Hanging from tree limb–out of season
    \n____ Wood cut-out of bent over woman<\/li>\n<\/p>\n
  21. When was your last sighting of Elvis?:
    _________________<\/li>\n

  22. Do you wear mostly polyester pant with snags?:
    \n____ yes
    \n____ no<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  23. Do you own any shoes? (not counting boots):
    \n____ yes
    \n____ no<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  24. Are you married to any of the following:
    \n____ Sister
    \n____ Cousin
    \n____ Cousin’s sister<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  25. Can you beat your wife at arm wrestling?
    \n____ yes
    \n____ no<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  26. Typical Greeting:
    \n____ Good Morning, dere
    \n____ Dem Packers is playing like a buncha old women
    \n____ Dem Brewers is playing like a buncha old women
    \n____ Dem Badgers is playing like a buncha old women
    \n____ Dem Bucks is playing like a buncha old women
    \n____ Dey should take da whole buncha dem Madison liberals and queers and line em up and shoot em.
    \n____ Dey should just let dem Indians spear dose idiots at the DNR
    \n____ Ya, hey<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  27. Favorite Tavern Name:
    \n____ County Trunk Bar
    \n____ Dew Drop Inn
    \n____ Deer Drop Inn
    \n____ Deer Droppings Inn
    \n____ LakeSide Supper Club
    \n____ LakeView Supper Club
    \n____ LakeWood Supper Club
    \n____ PineSide Supper Club
    \n____ PineView Supper Club
    \n____ PineWood Supper Club<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  28. Favorite Automobile:
    \n____ ’67 Ford Galaxy
    \n____ ’67 Ford Galaxy with transmission
    \n____ ’67 Ford Galaxy with ’73 Chevy Impala transmission
    \n____ ’67 Ford Galaxy with ’73 Chevy Impala transmission and ’71 Buick LeSabre engine<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  29. Farthest Point South Ever Traveled:
    \n____ County Trunk GG
    \n____ County Trunk CC
    \n____ County Trunk Bar
    \n____ Winter
    \n____ Polar
    \n____ Klondike
    \n____ Maple
    \n____ Poplar
    \n____ Birchwood
    \n____ Manitowish
    \n____ Namekagon
    \n____ Ojibwa
    \n____ Peru
    \n____ Scandinavia
    \n____ Athens
    \n____ Irma
    \n____ Helma
    \n____ Loretta
    \n____ Beaver
    \n____ An ice shanty on the Flambeau Flowage<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  30. Most Memorable Event You’ve Ever Attended
    \n____ Minocqua Moose Call Competition
    \n____ Phelps Mister Potato Carnival
    \n____ Gleason Grouse Mating Gala
    \n____ Herbster Jaycees Seagull Doo-Doo Days
    \n____ Lake Tomahawk Crew Cut Championships
    \n____ Omega Outboard Motor Repair Finals
    \n____ Spread Eagle International Proctologists Convention
    \n____ Chetek Carp Queen Beauty Contest and Carp Cuisine Cook-Off
    \n____ Eagle River Shout-Off for the Deaf (held week after the snowmobile races)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ol>\n

    Your Signature (an X will do): ________________________________<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Name:_______________________________________________ Nickname:________________ C.B. Handle_________________ Mobile Home Color: ____ Two-tone, Brown and White ____ Two-tone, Pink and White ____ Faded Green Daddy: (if unknown, attach list of three suspects): _______________ ______________ _____________ Mama: _____________ Neck Shade ____ Light Red ____ Medium Red ____ Dark Red Number of teeth in exposed full grin ____ Upper ____ Lower […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[149,667,1239,1531],"class_list":["post-212","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-apps-and-forms","tag-application","tag-forms","tag-regional","tag-wisconsin"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/212","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=212"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/212\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=212"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=212"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=212"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}