{"id":208,"date":"2014-12-21T17:40:40","date_gmt":"2014-12-21T15:40:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=208"},"modified":"2014-12-21T17:40:40","modified_gmt":"2014-12-21T15:40:40","slug":"application-to-live-in-new-jersey","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=208","title":{"rendered":"Application to Live in New Jersey"},"content":{"rendered":"

Name: _____________________________<\/p>\n

Nickname: _____________________________<\/p>\n

Address: _____________________________<\/p>\n

Exit # (NJ Turnpike): _______<\/p>\n

Exit # (Garden State Parkway): _______<\/p>\n

    <\/p>\n

  1. Ethnic Background:
    \n___Italian
    \n___Sicilian
    \n___Jewish
    \n___Italian
    \n___Italian<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  2. Backyard Smells Like:
    \n___Sewage
    \n___Sulfur
    \n___Garbage
    \n___All 3<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  3. # of Muscle Shirts Owned:
    \n___5-10
    \n___10-15
    \n___15-20
    \n___20 and above<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  4. # of Bon Jovi Tour Shirts Owned:
    \n___5-10
    \n___10-15
    \n___15-20
    \n___20 and above<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  5. # of Bon Jovi Shirts That are Also Muscle Shirts:
    \n___5-10
    \n___10-15
    \n___15-20
    \n___20 and above<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  6. Brand of Jeans Preferred:
    \n___Sergio Valente
    \n___Jordache
    \n___Sassoon
    \n___Z.Cavaricci<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  7. Percentage of Wardrobe Which is Skintight:
    \n___100%
    \n___95-100%
    \n___90-95%
    \n___85-90%<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  8. # of Gold Chains Owned:
    \n___10-15
    \n___15-20
    \n___20-25
    \n___25 and above<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  9. # of Gold Chains Worn at One Time:
    \n___5-10
    \n___10-15
    \n___15-20
    \n___20 and above<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  10. Approximate Value of ALL jewelry:
    \n___$5-$25
    \n___$25-$50
    \n___$50-$100
    \n___Stolen<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  11. Number of Applications of Obsession\/Polo\/Drakar Before Going Out:
    \n___10-15
    \n___15-25
    \n___25 and above<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  12. Gold Cap on at Least One Tooth?
    \n___Yes
    \n___No<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  13. Hair Height (must be completed by applicants seeking residency in Edgewater or Bayonne)
    \n___6-8 inches
    \n___8-12 inches
    \n___1-2 feet
    \n___More than 2 feet<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  14. Hair Products Used:
    \n___Hair Spray
    \n___Extra-Hold Lacquer
    \n___Styling Gel
    \n___Mousse
    \n___Extra<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  15. Hold Styling Gel:
    \n___Bondo
    \n___Spackle
    \n___40 Weight Oil
    \n___Krazy Glue<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  16. Automobile Owned:
    \n___IROC Z
    \n___Firebird
    \n___Camaro
    \n___Mustang
    \n___Thunderbird<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  17. Number of Inches Car is Off the Ground:
    \n___6-8 inches
    \n___4-6 inches
    \n___2-4 inches
    \n___Under 2 inches<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  18. Car Paraphernalia:
    \n___Gold chain around license plate
    \n___Neon lights around license plate
    \n___Neon lights under car
    \n___Chippendales\/Playboy air freshener hanging on rear view mirror
    \n___Garter hanging from rear view mirror
    \n___Chrome hubcaps
    \n___Stick-on window tinting
    \n___Stick-on paint splash stickers
    \n___Fuzzy dice tattoo
    \n___Crown deodorizer on dash or in rear window<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  19. Favorite Sports Team:
    \n___Fuckin’ Giants
    \n___Fuckin’ Jets
    \n___Fuckin’ Mets
    \n___Fuckin’ Yankees
    \n___Fuckin’ Nets
    \n___Fuckin’ Knicks
    \n___Fuckin’ Devils
    \n___Fuckin’ Rangers
    \n___Fuckin’ Islanders<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  20. Favorite Music:
    \n___Techno
    \n___Bon Jovi
    \n___Bruce Springsteen<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  21. Favorite Actor\/Actress:
    \n___Joe Pesci
    \n___Robert DeNiro
    \n___Al Pacino
    \n___Marisa Tomei
    \n___Annette Funicello
    \n___Anna Magnani<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  22. Favorite Movie:
    \n___The Godfather
    \n___The Godfather Part II
    \n___The Godfather Part III
    \n___Goodfellas
    \n___My Cousin Vinnie<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  23. Favorite Profanity (proceeded by YO!):
    \n___Motherfucker
    \n___Cocksucker
    \n___Jerkoff
    \n___Scumbag
    \n___Douche Bag<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  24. # of Religious Statutes at Grandparents House:
    \n___5-10
    \n___10-15
    \n___15-20
    \n___20 and above<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  25. Relatives Named “Sal”:
    \n___5-10
    \n___10-15
    \n___15-20
    \n___20 and above<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  26. Favorite International Destination:
    \n___Belmar
    \n___Seaside Heights
    \n___Point Pleasant
    \n___Bayonne
    \n___Great Adventure
    \n___Secaucus<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

  27. Favorite Driving Technique
    \n___Tailgating
    \n___Attacking stop signs
    \n___Doing 106 mph on the right shoulder of the parkway
    \n___Giving the finger to slow, elderly drivers (non-related)
    \n___Giving the finger to slow, elderly drivers (own grandparents)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n

    <\/OL><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Name: _____________________________ Nickname: _____________________________ Address: _____________________________ Exit # (NJ Turnpike): _______ Exit # (Garden State Parkway): _______ Ethnic Background: ___Italian ___Sicilian ___Jewish ___Italian ___Italian Backyard Smells Like: ___Sewage ___Sulfur ___Garbage ___All 3 # of Muscle Shirts Owned: ___5-10 ___10-15 ___15-20 ___20 and above # of Bon Jovi Tour Shirts Owned: ___5-10 ___10-15 ___15-20 ___20 and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[149,667,1065,1239],"class_list":["post-208","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-apps-and-forms","tag-application","tag-forms","tag-new-jersey","tag-regional"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/208","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=208"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/208\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=208"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=208"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=208"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}