{"id":2056,"date":"2015-01-04T20:23:06","date_gmt":"2015-01-04T18:23:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2056"},"modified":"2015-01-04T20:23:06","modified_gmt":"2015-01-04T18:23:06","slug":"signs-you-hired-the-wrong-contractor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2056","title":{"rendered":"Signs You Hired the Wrong Contractor"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Suspicious increase in number of 1-900-DRILLBIT calls charged to your line.<\/li>\n<li>Uses &#8220;The Clapper&#8221; to turn power saw on and off.<\/li>\n<li>Paints the living room with 15,000 bottles of White-Out.<\/li>\n<li>Shows up with nothing but a strategically placed power drill and a butt crack the size of the Grand Canyon.<\/li>\n<li>Flaming pentacle and mutilated goats in your basement.<\/li>\n<li>Comes to work with a Bob Vila lunchbox, complete with crazy straw for the thermos.<\/li>\n<li>Left hand: sledgehammer.  Right hand: Colt 45 Malt Liquor.<\/li>\n<li>On the day the insulation is to be put down, shows up wearing Pink Panther costume.<\/li>\n<li>Mike Wallace from &#8220;60 Minutes&#8221; drops by with camera crew.<\/li>\n<li>While painting: &#8220;One for the wall, one for me, one for the wall,&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Keeps asking you to &#8220;adjust my tool, if y&#8217;know what I mean.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>His see-through teddy shows that he&#8217;s confused Victorian style with Victoria&#8217;s Secret.<\/li>\n<li>Insists on spackling with his genitalia instead of with a trowel.<\/li>\n<li>Runs out of shingles and starts using baloney slices.<\/li>\n<li>Insists on trying out the new bedroom&#8230; with his entire stable of girlfriends.<\/li>\n<li>Spends hours in your bathroom, flushing the toilet and saying, &#8220;Well I&#8217;ll be goldarned!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Suspicious increase in number of 1-900-DRILLBIT calls charged to your line. Uses &#8220;The Clapper&#8221; to turn power saw on and off. Paints the living room with 15,000 bottles of White-Out. Shows up with nothing but a strategically placed power drill and a butt crack the size of the Grand Canyon. Flaming pentacle and mutilated goats [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[175,431],"class_list":["post-2056","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-around-the-house","tag-bad","tag-contractor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2056","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2056"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2056\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2056"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2056"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2056"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}