{"id":2042,"date":"2015-01-04T20:07:49","date_gmt":"2015-01-04T18:07:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2042"},"modified":"2015-01-04T20:07:49","modified_gmt":"2015-01-04T18:07:49","slug":"toy-disclaimers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2042","title":{"rendered":"Toy Disclaimers"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>No beanies or babies harmed in the manufacture of this product.<\/li>\n<li>Warning: This fad will disappear in 6 weeks.<\/li>\n<li>Caution: Care Bears do not actually care very much.<\/li>\n<li>Warning: This toy produces substantially less childish glee in real life than it does in the TV commercial.<\/li>\n<li>Some dismemberment may occur.<\/li>\n<li>Do not purchase this toy at all. Put it back on the shelf! NOW!! Just walk away, timid little man.<\/li>\n<li>Failure to fall immediately to your knees in gratitude and eternally thank parents for shelling out $400 and waiting in line behind a smelly woman from Jersey City for two hours to *get* your Sega Dreamcast &#8212; especially when you&#8217;ve already got a Playstation and a box full of games that are now headed for the next garage sale &#8212; may result in bodily injury.<\/li>\n<li>Do not stare at product. Hey! You&#8217;re doing it now! Cut that out!!<\/li>\n<li>In case of breakage, scream until dad buys a replacement.<\/li>\n<li>Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously.<\/li>\n<li>Use as an actual terrorist device not recommended.<\/li>\n<li>Do not attempt to combine your Ultra Mega Warrior with your cat to make Ultra Mega Cat Warrior.<\/li>\n<li>NOTE: The makers of &#8220;Queen Amidala&#8217;s Naboo Dream Palace&#8221; assume no responsibility for the quality of the movie which spawned it.<\/li>\n<li>Some assimilation required. Resistance is futile.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>No beanies or babies harmed in the manufacture of this product. Warning: This fad will disappear in 6 weeks. Caution: Care Bears do not actually care very much. Warning: This toy produces substantially less childish glee in real life than it does in the TV commercial. Some dismemberment may occur. Do not purchase this toy [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[519,1451],"class_list":["post-2042","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funlists","tag-disclaimer","tag-toy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2042","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2042"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2042\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2042"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2042"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2042"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}