{"id":2036,"date":"2015-01-04T20:03:18","date_gmt":"2015-01-04T18:03:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2036"},"modified":"2015-01-04T20:03:18","modified_gmt":"2015-01-04T18:03:18","slug":"how-to-tell-when-its-going-to-be-a-rotten-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2036","title":{"rendered":"How to Tell When it&#8217;s Going to be a Rotten Day"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>You put your bra on backwards and it fits better<\/li>\n<li>You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold<\/li>\n<li>You see a &#8220;60 Minutes&#8221; news team waiting in your office<\/li>\n<li>Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles<\/li>\n<li>Your son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business<\/li>\n<li>You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party last night and there aren&#8217;t any<\/li>\n<li>Your turn on the news and they&#8217;re showing emergency routes out of the city<\/li>\n<li>Your twin forgot your birthday<\/li>\n<li>You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then you realize that you don&#8217;t have a waterbed<\/li>\n<li>Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell&#8217;s Angels on the freeway<\/li>\n<li>Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache<\/li>\n<li>Your boss tells you not to bother taking off your coat<\/li>\n<li>The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard<\/li>\n<li>You wake up and your braces are locked together<\/li>\n<li>You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose<\/li>\n<li>You call your answering service and they tell you it&#8217;s none of your business<\/li>\n<li>Your income tax check bounces<\/li>\n<li>Your blind date turns out to be your ex<\/li>\n<li>Your pet rock snaps at you<\/li>\n<li>Your wife says &#8220;Good Morning, Bill&#8221; and your name is George<\/li>\n<li>You put both contact lenses in the same eye<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You put your bra on backwards and it fits better You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold You see a &#8220;60 Minutes&#8221; news team waiting in your office Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles Your son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business You [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[1275,1463],"class_list":["post-2036","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funlists","tag-rotten-day","tag-trouble"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2036","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2036"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2036\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2036"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2036"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2036"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}