{"id":2024,"date":"2015-01-04T19:55:35","date_gmt":"2015-01-04T17:55:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2024"},"modified":"2015-01-04T19:55:35","modified_gmt":"2015-01-04T17:55:35","slug":"signs-your-psychic-is-a-phony","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2024","title":{"rendered":"Signs Your Psychic Is a Phony"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Keeps shaking black &#8220;crystal ball,&#8221; then saying, &#8220;Ask again later.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Tells you you&#8217;re going to die but doesn&#8217;t exactly know when or how.<\/li>\n<li>Every time you draw the Death card, she yells &#8220;Go Fish!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Looks suspiciously like that guy who fixed your muffler last week.<\/li>\n<li>Brunswick insignia on &#8220;crystal ball.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>His idea of an &#8220;out of body experience&#8221; involves whipped cream and women&#8217;s clothing.<\/li>\n<li>Instead of a Oujia board, has a Wedgie board.<\/li>\n<li>During seance, shouts in voice of Wolfman Jack, &#8220;Milli Vanilli will be back!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>His spoon bending requires two pliers.<\/li>\n<li>Sign in window: &#8220;As Seen on &#8217;60 Minutes'&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>During card-reading, asks if you want to &#8220;hit&#8221; or &#8220;stand&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>Insists that your astrological sign is &#8220;The Armadillo.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Psychics Magazine rates her just below fortune cookies, just above your mom.<\/li>\n<li>Repeatedly attempts to read your palm with his genitalia.<\/li>\n<li>Shakes her crystal ball, then predicts a large snowstorm.<\/li>\n<li>Easily fooled by &#8216;Can of Snakes&#8217; gag.<\/li>\n<li>Lakers in 4.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Ethereal Aroma of the Kindred Spirits&#8221; effect during seance only occurs after a chili-dog lunch.<\/li>\n<li>Just keeps saying in his Mr. T voice, &#8220;My prediction: Pain!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Keeps shaking black &#8220;crystal ball,&#8221; then saying, &#8220;Ask again later.&#8221; Tells you you&#8217;re going to die but doesn&#8217;t exactly know when or how. Every time you draw the Death card, she yells &#8220;Go Fish!&#8221; Looks suspiciously like that guy who fixed your muffler last week. Brunswick insignia on &#8220;crystal ball.&#8221; His idea of an &#8220;out [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[1160,1210],"class_list":["post-2024","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funlists","tag-phony","tag-psychic"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2024","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2024"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2024\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2024"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2024"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2024"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}