{"id":2016,"date":"2015-01-04T19:03:55","date_gmt":"2015-01-04T17:03:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2016"},"modified":"2015-01-04T19:03:55","modified_gmt":"2015-01-04T17:03:55","slug":"signs-you-did-not-win-an-mtv-video-award","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2016","title":{"rendered":"Signs You Did Not Win an MTV Video Award"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Some bastard keeps tuning your guitar.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Best non-rhyming victim in a drive-by shooting&#8221; *still* not a category.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;re Livin&#8217; La Vida No-Talenta.<\/li>\n<li>Because Kurt Loder cannot be bought, Mister Nose Candy!<\/li>\n<li>VH-1 just completed your &#8220;Where are they now?&#8221; segment.<\/li>\n<li>Budget cuts forced you to use a white, middle-aged heterosexual male  choreographer.<\/li>\n<li>Special effects?  You hired an alcoholic cinematographer with the shakes, for that &#8220;Blair Witch&#8221; look.<\/li>\n<li>Your hit rap song disses women executives in the music industry; Strike One.  Your proposed solution: &#8220;Slap dem &#8216;ho&#8217;s around a bit&#8221;;  Strikes two and three<\/li>\n<li>Your double-major studies at Julliard severely cut into your washboard ab building time.<\/li>\n<p><li>Your band name:  Barenaked Fat Guys<br \/>\nYour video features:  Barenaked Fat Guys<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>You confused video award shows and submitted the tape of your cousin Earl stepping on a rake.<\/li>\n<li>The only video of you on TV this month shows you hiding a kilo of heroin in the kosher meal cart of American Airlines flight 393.<\/li>\n<li>Still no category for &#8220;Most Wasted Punk Burning Stuff at Woodstock.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Some bastard keeps tuning your guitar. &#8220;Best non-rhyming victim in a drive-by shooting&#8221; *still* not a category. You&#8217;re Livin&#8217; La Vida No-Talenta. Because Kurt Loder cannot be bought, Mister Nose Candy! VH-1 just completed your &#8220;Where are they now?&#8221; segment. Budget cuts forced you to use a white, middle-aged heterosexual male choreographer. Special effects? You [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[43],"tags":[1046,1049],"class_list":["post-2016","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-musics","tag-mtv","tag-music-award"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2016","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2016"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2016\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2016"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2016"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2016"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}