{"id":2008,"date":"2015-01-04T18:58:41","date_gmt":"2015-01-04T16:58:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=2008"},"modified":"2015-01-04T18:58:41","modified_gmt":"2015-01-04T16:58:41","slug":"the-risks-of-buying-a-supermodels-egg","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=2008","title":{"rendered":"The Risks of Buying a Supermodel&#8217;s Egg"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Upon delivery, you discover the egg contains a pair of pantyhose.<\/li>\n<li>Thousands of years of evolution shot all to hell.<\/li>\n<li>Sure, you can *buy* them now &#8212; but you have to wait over 18 years before you can legally have sex with your purchase.<\/li>\n<li>Health conscious models always removing the yolks first.<\/li>\n<li>Conception only possible with sperm from an androgynous rock star.<\/li>\n<li>Baby will insist that umbilical cord be cut only by Vidal Sassoon himself.<\/li>\n<li>Child Protective Services worker just doesn&#8217;t appreciate how it can eventually get to you when every time you tell him to take out the trash, he enigmatically whispers, &#8220;Obsession.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Other kids and their vicious taunts: &#8220;Don&#8217;t hate me because I&#8217;m sunny-side up!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;ll spend a king&#8217;s ransom for ipecac syrup for the baby.<\/li>\n<li>The kid grows up to resent you because that willowy frame, those long thin legs and those exquisitely tiny hands kept him off the varsity football team.<\/li>\n<li>Photo shoot wind machine keeps blowing your boys upstream.<\/li>\n<li>With your luck, you&#8217;ll get the egg with recessive supermodel genes and dominant webmaster genes.<\/li>\n<li>Tough for Mr. Tripp to explain to perfectly-fertile wife, Linda.<\/li>\n<p><li>Upside:  Your daughter looks like Kathy Ireland!<br \/>\nDownside:  Your daughter thinks like Kathy Ireland!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Model eggs rebel at the very thought of being inseminated with *your* ugly-ass nerd sperm.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Upon delivery, you discover the egg contains a pair of pantyhose. Thousands of years of evolution shot all to hell. Sure, you can *buy* them now &#8212; but you have to wait over 18 years before you can legally have sex with your purchase. Health conscious models always removing the yolks first. Conception only possible [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[571,1382],"class_list":["post-2008","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funlists","tag-eggs","tag-supermodel"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2008","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2008"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2008\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2008"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2008"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2008"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}