{"id":1980,"date":"2015-01-04T18:38:39","date_gmt":"2015-01-04T16:38:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=1980"},"modified":"2015-01-04T18:38:39","modified_gmt":"2015-01-04T16:38:39","slug":"the-truth-about-investment","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1980","title":{"rendered":"The Truth About Investment"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<p><li>Stock<br \/>\nA magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Bond<br \/>\nWhat you had with your spouse until you pawned his\/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Broker<br \/>\nThe person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell Broke.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Bear<br \/>\nWhat your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Bull<br \/>\nWhat your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Margin<br \/>\nWhere you scribble the latest quotes when you&#8217;re supposed to be listening to your manager&#8217;s presentation.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Short Position<br \/>\nA type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn&#8217;t actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. &#8220;The rent, sir? Hahaha, well, I&#8217;m a little short this month.&#8221;).<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Commission<br \/>\nThe only reliable way to wake money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Yak<br \/>\nWhat you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Stock A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50. Bond What you had with your spouse until you pawned his\/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com. Broker The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[854,1365],"class_list":["post-1980","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funlists","tag-investment","tag-stock-market"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1980","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1980"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1980\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1980"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1980"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1980"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}