{"id":1969,"date":"2015-01-04T18:31:14","date_gmt":"2015-01-04T16:31:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=1969"},"modified":"2015-01-04T18:31:14","modified_gmt":"2015-01-04T16:31:14","slug":"hes-so-mean-that","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1969","title":{"rendered":"He&#8217;s So Mean That&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>If you kicked him in the heart, you&#8217;d break your toe.<\/li>\n<li>He&#8217;d steal a dead fly from a blind spider.<\/li>\n<li>He&#8217;s deaf, and never told his barber.<\/li>\n<li>You couldn&#8217;t warm up to him if you were cremated together.<\/li>\n<li>He sends get-well cards to hypochondriacs.<\/li>\n<li>He&#8217;d cry over your wounds so he could get salt in them.<\/li>\n<li>He has as much use for anyone living as an undertaker.<\/li>\n<li>He applied for a job as a prison warden so he could put tacks in the electric chair.<\/li>\n<li>The only thing he&#8217;ll share with you willingly is a communicable disease.<\/li>\n<li>He folds his newspaper so the guy next to him on the bus can only read half the headline.<\/li>\n<li>He has a testimonial plaque from Kenneth Starr.<\/li>\n<li>He dreamed that he died and the heat woke him up.<\/li>\n<li>He takes sparrows, dips them in peroxide, and sells them as canaries.<\/li>\n<li>He&#8217;d throw a drowning man both ends of the rope.<\/li>\n<li>He knifes you in the back, and then has you arrested for carrying a weapon.<\/li>\n<li>He campaigned for a dry county, got it passed, and then moved away.<\/li>\n<li>He told his children the Easter Bunny got run over by a car.<\/li>\n<li>He was engaged to a girl with a wooden leg, but he got mad and broke it off.<\/li>\n<li>He never hits a man when he&#8217;s down&#8211;he kicks him.<\/li>\n<li>He never eats his heart out; he&#8217;d starve to death.<\/li>\n<li>He&#8217;d borrow your pot just to cook your goose.<\/li>\n<li>Only gravediggers would enjoy working for him.<\/li>\n<li>He gave his wife oysters and a rabbit&#8217;s foot because she wanted pearls for her birthday.<\/li>\n<li>He had three phones installed so that he could hang up on more people.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you kicked him in the heart, you&#8217;d break your toe. He&#8217;d steal a dead fly from a blind spider. He&#8217;s deaf, and never told his barber. You couldn&#8217;t warm up to him if you were cremated together. He sends get-well cards to hypochondriacs. He&#8217;d cry over your wounds so he could get salt in [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[978],"class_list":["post-1969","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funlists","tag-mean-man"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1969","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1969"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1969\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1969"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1969"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1969"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}