{"id":1956,"date":"2015-01-04T18:08:36","date_gmt":"2015-01-04T16:08:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=1956"},"modified":"2015-01-04T18:08:36","modified_gmt":"2015-01-04T16:08:36","slug":"great-signs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1956","title":{"rendered":"Great Signs"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Here are some signs and notices translated to English (for our benefit) that have been recorded from trips throughout the world.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>In a Tokyo Hotel:<br \/>\nIs forbidden to steal hotel towels please.  If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notis.<\/li>\n<p><li>In a Bucharest hotel lobby:<br \/>\nThe lift is being fixed for the next day.  During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In a Leipzig elevator:<br \/>\nDo not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In a Belgrade hotel elevator:<br \/>\nTo move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.  Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In a Paris hotel elevator:<br \/>\nPlease leave your values at the front desk.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In a hotel in Athens:<br \/>\nVisitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In a Yugoslavian hotel:<br \/>\nThe flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In a Japanese hotel:<br \/>\nYou are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from Russian Orthodox monastery:<br \/>\nYou are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In an Austrian hotel catering to the skiers:<br \/>\nNot to perambulate the corridors during the hours of repose in the boots of Ascension.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:<br \/>\nOur wines leave you nothing to hope for.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>On the menu of a Polish hotel:<br \/>\nSalad a firm&#8217;s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people&#8217;s fashion.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Outside a Hong Kong tailer shop:<br \/>\nLadies may have a fit upstairs.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In a Bangkok dry cleaners:<br \/>\nDrop your trousers here for best results.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Outside a Paris dress shop:<br \/>\nDresses for street walking.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In a Rhodes tailor shop:<br \/>\nOrder your summers suit.  Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>From the Soviet Weekly:<br \/>\nThere will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 150,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors.  These were executed over the past two years.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>A sign posted in Germany&#8217;s Black Forest:<br \/>\nIt is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In a Zurich hotel:<br \/>\nBecause of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In an advertisement by Hong Kong dentist:<br \/>\nTeeth extracted by the latest Methodists.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In a Rome Laundry:<br \/>\nLadies leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good  time.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In a Czechoslovakin tourist agency:<br \/>\nTake one of our horse-driven city tours &#8211; we guarantee no miscarriages.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:<br \/>\nWould you like to ride on your own ass?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In a Swiss mountain Inn:<br \/>\nSpecial today &#8212; no ice cream.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In a Bangkok temple:<br \/>\nIt is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In a Tokyo bar:<br \/>\nSpecial cocktails for the ladies with nuts.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:<br \/>\nWe take your bags and send them in all directions.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>On the door of a Moscow hotel room:<br \/>\nIf this is your first visit to the Russia, you are welcome to it.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:<br \/>\nLadies are requested not to have children in the bar.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In a Budapest zoo:<br \/>\nPlease do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In the office of a Roman doctor:<br \/>\nSpecialist in women and other diseases.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In an Acapulco hotel:<br \/>\nThe manager has personally passed all the water served here.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>In a Tokyo shop:<br \/>\nOur nylons cost more than common, but you&#8217;ll find they are best in the long run.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:<br \/>\nCooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:<br \/>\nWhen passenger of foot have in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:<br \/>\n&#8211; English well speaking.<br \/>\n&#8211; Here speeching American.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Here are some signs and notices translated to English (for our benefit) that have been recorded from trips throughout the world. In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notis. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[28],"tags":[1319,1456],"class_list":["post-1956","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-signs","tag-signs","tag-translations"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1956","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1956"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1956\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1956"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1956"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1956"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}