{"id":1934,"date":"2015-01-04T17:50:02","date_gmt":"2015-01-04T15:50:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=1934"},"modified":"2015-01-04T17:50:02","modified_gmt":"2015-01-04T15:50:02","slug":"learn-from-your-teenager","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1934","title":{"rendered":"Learn From Your Teenager"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>6 alarm clocks will wake everyone in the house except a teenager.<\/li>\n<li>1 glass of ice water will.<\/li>\n<li>No alarm clock is necessary for dates or concerts.<\/li>\n<li>Music is meant to be shared with neighbors two blocks away.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t play it backwards.<\/li>\n<li>Expect a knock at the door with a summons to court.<\/li>\n<li>Never start your car before the radio is turned OFF.<\/li>\n<li>Speedometers are to test the car and see if they really go that fast.<\/li>\n<li>Mine goes 140MPH on the straight away.<\/li>\n<li>Teenager&#8217;s cars go faster.<\/li>\n<li>Tires are there to leave little black marks when you peel out.<\/li>\n<li>The bigger the black mark, the better the car.<\/li>\n<li>A car will hold 16 people with the tailgate open.<\/li>\n<li>More if you add one to the hood and one to the roof.<\/li>\n<li>A car will run on fumes long enough to back out of the driveway.<\/li>\n<li>Walking to the gas station is good exercise for you.<\/li>\n<li>Being late for work is not good for you.<\/li>\n<li>Teenagers are allergic to walking.<\/li>\n<li>A clean room means a path from the door to the bed.<\/li>\n<li>A bedroom can be cleaned in five minutes flat if they throw everything into the trash.<\/li>\n<li>Including dirty laundry and dirty dishes.<\/li>\n<li>The phone is always in use.<\/li>\n<li>Extra phone lines don&#8217;t help.<\/li>\n<li>Voice mail does. (At least you know which calls you&#8217;ve missed)<\/li>\n<li>Teenagers want to know what calls they&#8217;ve missed, too.<\/li>\n<li>Kool-aid is for coloring hair.<\/li>\n<li>Trousers should be worn several sizes too big and low enough for at least 6&#8243; of underwear to show.<\/li>\n<li>Only one half of a wallet is for money.<\/li>\n<li>The other half is for status symbols.<\/li>\n<li>Condoms are status symbols.<\/li>\n<li>The most abhorred 4 letter word is WORK! (houseWORK and homeWORK)<\/li>\n<li>The second worst 4 letter word is HOME.<\/li>\n<li>Windows are more useful as doors.<\/li>\n<li>The knock at the window is always answered by a teenager.<\/li>\n<li>The knock at the door is always an adult.<\/li>\n<li>Police come in all shapes and sizes.<\/li>\n<li>3 work days a month are school holidays. <\/li>\n<li>The house will always be redecorated when you come home from work.<\/li>\n<li>All walls should have a window.<\/li>\n<li>Windows are easily made with fists.<\/li>\n<li>Violation tickets come in all shapes, colors and sizes.<\/li>\n<li>No, all the blue tickets are not curfew violations and all the yellow tickets are not noise violations, that doesn&#8217;t even include the pink or the green ones.<\/li>\n<li>Remove all lethal weapons from your home.<\/li>\n<li>Schools consider paring knives lethal weapons.<\/li>\n<li>A plastic knife will not slice butter without breaking.<\/li>\n<li>Every parent of a teenager can add much to this list. That&#8217;s a double dog dare!!!! (If they still use that term) <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>6 alarm clocks will wake everyone in the house except a teenager. 1 glass of ice water will. No alarm clock is necessary for dates or concerts. Music is meant to be shared with neighbors two blocks away. Don&#8217;t play it backwards. Expect a knock at the door with a summons to court. Never start [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[909,1412],"class_list":["post-1934","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-families","tag-lessons","tag-teenager"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1934","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1934"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1934\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1934"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1934"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1934"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}