{"id":1920,"date":"2015-01-04T17:39:43","date_gmt":"2015-01-04T15:39:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=1920"},"modified":"2015-01-04T17:39:43","modified_gmt":"2015-01-04T15:39:43","slug":"fathers-lexicon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1920","title":{"rendered":"Father&#8217;s Lexicon"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Don&#8217;t ask me, ask your mother.<\/li>\n<li>Close that door!<\/li>\n<li>Were you raised in a barn?<\/li>\n<li>You didn&#8217;t beat me. I let you win.<\/li>\n<li>Big boys don&#8217;t cry.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t worry. It&#8217;s only blood.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t you know any normal boys?<\/li>\n<li>Now you listen to ME, Buster!<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;ll play catch after I read the paper.<\/li>\n<li>Coffee will stunt your growth.<\/li>\n<li>A little dirt never hurt anyone, just wipe it off..<\/li>\n<li>Get your elbows off the table!<\/li>\n<li>I told you, keep your eye on the ball.<\/li>\n<li>Who said life was supposed to be fair?<\/li>\n<li>Always say please and thank you. That way, you get more.<\/li>\n<li>If you forget, you&#8217;ll be grounded till the end of the world.<\/li>\n<li>You call that a haircut??<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Hey&#8221; is for horses.<\/li>\n<li>This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.<\/li>\n<li>Turn off those lights.<\/li>\n<li>Do you think I am made of money?<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t give me any of your lip, young lady!<\/li>\n<li>You call that noise &#8220;music?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>We&#8217;re not lost. I&#8217;m just not sure where we are.<\/li>\n<li>No, we&#8217;re not there yet.<\/li>\n<li>Shake it off.  It&#8217;s only pain.<\/li>\n<li>When I was your age, I treated MY father with respect.<\/li>\n<li>As long as you live under my roof, you&#8217;ll live by my rules.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;ll tell you why. Because I said so. That&#8217;s why!<\/li>\n<li>Do what I say, not what I do.<\/li>\n<li>Sit up straight, knucklehead!<\/li>\n<li>So you think you&#8217;re smart, do you?<\/li>\n<li>What&#8217;s so funny? Wipe that smile off your face.<\/li>\n<li>Young ladies do not sweat; they perspire.<\/li>\n<li>If I&#8217;ve told you once, I&#8217;ve told you a thousand times.<\/li>\n<li>C&#8217;mon, you throw like a girl.<\/li>\n<li>You want something to do? I&#8217;ll give you something to do.<\/li>\n<li>You should visit more often. Your mother worries.<\/li>\n<li>This is your last warning!<\/li>\n<li>If you shake it more than three times, you&#8217;re playing with it.<\/li>\n<li>What are your intentions with my daughter?<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;d better get a good report, or you better head to Mexico.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m not sleeping, I was watching that channel.<\/li>\n<li>What keeps those jeans of yours from falling off?<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m not just talking to hear my own voice!<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.<\/li>\n<li>What do you think I am, a bank?<\/li>\n<li>What part of NO don&#8217;t you understand?<\/li>\n<li>I don&#8217;t care what other people are doing! I&#8217;m not everybody else&#8217;s Father!<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;re not leaving my house dressed like that! What will other parents think?<\/li>\n<li>Could those sleeves be any longer? You look like a bag lady!<\/li>\n<li>Headache remedy: Put your head through the window, and the pain will be gone.<\/li>\n<li>Worrying about things you can&#8217;t change is like a rocking chair&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>it gives you something to do, but it doesn&#8217;t get you anywhere.<\/li>\n<li>I feel for you, but I can&#8217;t reach you from here.<\/li>\n<li>If you&#8217;re gonna be dumb, you&#8217;ve gotta be tough.<\/li>\n<li>Didn&#8217;t your teacher learn you anything?!<\/li>\n<li>You can marry a rich guy just as easily as you can a poor guy.<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s hard to be good, and easy to be bad.<\/li>\n<li>If you&#8217;re going to steal a car, at least make it a Cadillac (but don&#8217;t call me asking for bail.)<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t tell on anybody unless you tell on yourself first.<\/li>\n<li>Hey, did you hear me talking to you?<\/li>\n<li>You know you&#8217;re always gonna be Daddy&#8217;s little girl.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m not watching television. I&#8217;m resting my eyes.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t use that tone with me!<\/li>\n<li>Am I talking to a brick wall?<\/li>\n<li>If I catch you doing that one more time, I&#8217;ll..<\/li>\n<li>Act your age.<\/li>\n<li>Two wrongs do not make a right.<\/li>\n<li>Wipe your feet!<\/li>\n<li>Enough is enough!<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t make me stop the car!<\/li>\n<li>What did I just get finished telling you?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Don&#8217;t ask me, ask your mother. Close that door! Were you raised in a barn? You didn&#8217;t beat me. I let you win. Big boys don&#8217;t cry. Don&#8217;t worry. It&#8217;s only blood. Don&#8217;t you know any normal boys? Now you listen to ME, Buster! I&#8217;ll play catch after I read the paper. Coffee will stunt [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[632,1285],"class_list":["post-1920","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-families","tag-fathers","tag-sayings"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1920","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1920"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1920\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1920"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1920"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1920"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}