{"id":1918,"date":"2015-01-04T17:36:49","date_gmt":"2015-01-04T15:36:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=1918"},"modified":"2015-01-04T17:36:49","modified_gmt":"2015-01-04T15:36:49","slug":"fatal-things-to-say-if-your-wife-is-pregnant","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1918","title":{"rendered":"Fatal Things to Say If Your Wife is Pregnant"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>&#8220;I finished the Oreos.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Not to imply anything, but I don&#8217;t think the kid weighs forty pounds.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Y&#8217;know, looking at her, you&#8217;d never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I sure hope your thighs aren&#8217;t gonna stay that flabby forever!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Well, couldn&#8217;t they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Darned if you ain&#8217;t about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Are your ankles supposed to look like that?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Get your *own* ice cream.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Geez, you&#8217;re awfully puffy looking today.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Got milk?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;You don&#8217;t have the guts to pull the trigger&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;I finished the Oreos.&#8221; &#8220;Not to imply anything, but I don&#8217;t think the kid weighs forty pounds.&#8221; &#8220;Y&#8217;know, looking at her, you&#8217;d never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!&#8221; &#8220;I sure hope your thighs aren&#8217;t gonna stay that flabby forever!&#8221; &#8220;Well, couldn&#8217;t they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl.&#8221; &#8220;Darned if you [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[1189],"class_list":["post-1918","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-families","tag-pregnant"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1918","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1918"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1918\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1918"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1918"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1918"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}