A long, long time ago, I can still remember
\nwhen I dialed up their help desk lines.
\nAnd I knew if I had the chance,
\nthey could make my modem dance
\nwith chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines.
\nBut, Help Desk phone calls made me shiver
\nwith every busy they’d deliver.
\nBad news on the front page,
\nA 19-hour outrage.
\nI can’t remember if I cried
\nwhen I realized that Steve Case had lied.
\nBut something touched me deep inside,
\nThe day, the ser-vice died.<\/p>\n
So, Bye-Bye to Amer’ca Online,
\nDrove my modem to a domain and it’s working just fine.
\nAnd good old geeks are cheering users offline.
\nSaying this’ll be the day that they die. This’ll be the day that they
\ndie.<\/p>\n
Did you write the book of TOS,
\nWill you send your password to PWD-BOSS if an IM tells you so.
\nAnd will you believe the Motley Fool when he tells you that the service
\nrules,
\nAnd, can you teach me how to web real slow?
\nWell, I know you sold the service short,
\n‘Cause I saw your quarterly report.
\nSteve Case sold off his stock, It fell just like a rock.
\nIt was a crazy, costly high-tech play,
\nas they slashed away at what subscribers pay,
\nAnd half their users went away,
\nthe day the service died.<\/p>\n
So, Bye-Bye to Amer’ca Online,
\nDrove my modem to a domain and it’s working just fine.
\nAnd good old geeks are cheering users offline.
\nSaying this’ll be the day that they die. This’ll be the day that they
\ndie.<\/p>\n
Well for two days we’ve been on our own
\nAnd dial-ins click on a rolling phone
\nBut that’s not how it used to be,
\nWhen the mogul came to Virginia court,
\nWith an OS icon and a browser port,
\nAnd a desktop that looked like Apple III.
\nAnd while Jim Clark was looking down,
\nThe mogul stole his thorny crown,
\nThe browser war was turned,
\nMozilla,… was spurned.
\nAnd while Steve left users out to bond,
\nWith hosts unable to respond,
\n6 million newbies all were conned,
\nThe day the service died.<\/p>\n
So, Bye-Bye to Amer’ca Online,
\nDrove my modem to a domain and it’s working just fine.
\nAnd good old geeks are cheering users offline.
\nSaying this’ll be the day that they die. This’ll be the day that they
\ndie.<\/p>\n
Da Chronic ducked their software guards,
\nAnd stole a million credit cards,
\nto use accounts he’d gotten free.
\nAnd so Steve Case went to the FBI,
\nand he told Boardwatch* a little lie,
\nThat hackers wanted child pornography *
\nBut while Steve Case was looking down,
\nThe hackers pulled his e-mail down,
\nThey put it on the net,
\nHe can’t be trusted, yet!
\nAnd while user cynicism climbs,
\nAt sign-on ads and welcome rhymes,
\nthey scan their e-mail for, “Good Times,”
\nThe day the ser-vice died.<\/p>\n
So, Bye-Bye to Amer’ca Online,
\nDrove my modem to a domain and it’s working just fine.
\nAnd good old geeks are cheering users offline.
\nSaying this’ll be the day that they die. This’ll be the day that they
\ndie.<\/p>\n
Helter-skelter billing needs a melter,
\nThe lawyers filed a class-action shelter,
\nEight million in lawyer’s fees.
\nBut it looks like some attorney jibe,
\nan hour if they resubscribe,
\nTo a service marketed for free.
\nWell, I know you’re raking in the bucks,
\n‘Cause I’m reading alt.aol-sucks.
\n“Until we bless the suit,
\nThe settlement is moot.”
\n“If AOL treats you like the Borg,
\nThen visit aolsucks.org,
\nBefore some router pulls the cord,…”
\nThe day the ser-vice died.<\/p>\n
So, Bye-Bye to Amer’ca Online,
\nDrove my modem to a domain and it’s working just fine.
\nAnd good old geeks are cheering users offline.
\nSaying this’ll be the day that they die. This’ll be the day that they
\ndie.<\/p>\n
Bill Razzouk, the head-to-be,
\nsold off his home in Tennessee,
\nAnd headed for a 4-month end.
\nWas he sad or just incensed when
\nCase offered him his thirty cents.
\nBilling is the devil’s only friend.
\nBut as I read him on the page,
\nMy hands were clenched in fists of rage,
\nNo, “Welcome” born in hell,
\ncould ring that chatroom bell.
\nAnd as chat freaks cried into the night,
\nCompuServe read their last rites.
\nI saw Earthlink laughing with delight,
\nThe day the ser-vice died.<\/p>\n
So, Bye-Bye to Amer’ca Online,
\nDrove my modem to a domain and it’s working just fine.
\nAnd good old geeks are cheering users offline.
\nSaying this’ll be the day that they die. This’ll be the day that they
\ndie. I<\/p>\n
Met a girl in Lobby 9,
\nAnd I asked her if she’d stay online,
\nBut she just frowned and looked away,
\nAnd I went back to the Member Lounge,
\nTo see what loyalty I could scrounge.
\nBut Room Host said the members went away,…
\nAnd on the net the modems screamed,
\nAt faster bits and data streams.
\nAnd not a tear was spoken,
\nThe hourly fees were broken,
\nAnd the three men that I hated most:
\nTed, and Steve, and Razzouk’s ghost,
\nThey couldn’t dial up the host,
\nThe day the ser-vice died.<\/p>\n
So, Bye-Bye to Amer’ca Online,
\nDrove my modem to a domain and it’s working just fine.
\nAnd good old geeks are cheering users offline.
\nSaying this’ll be the day that they die. This’ll be the day that they
\ndie.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A long, long time ago, I can still remember when I dialed up their help desk lines. And I knew if I had the chance, they could make my modem dance with chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines. But, Help Desk phone calls made me shiver with every busy they’d deliver. Bad news on […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[145,406,1172,1337],"class_list":["post-190","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aol","tag-aol","tag-computer","tag-poetry","tag-song"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/190","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=190"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/190\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=190"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=190"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=190"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}